If you’re not celebrating your ‘fuckiversary’, you might as well break up now
You know you remember the details
by Katie Way
Relationships can be confusing as fuck, especially if you're the non-committal type. One day you're debating how much time to wait to text him back based on how long he waited to respond to you and then before you know it you're sharing a toothbrush and making plans to meet each others' grandparents.
In fact, it all might happen so gradually that there's no real way to tell when exactly you guys actually started Dating, which can make pinpointing an anniversary super difficult. That's why what you should actually be celebrating, or at least tossing onto the calendar, is your fuckiversary: the first time you and your partner had sex.
Exactly 1 year ago today I met this dude, and I sucked his dick so good that he fell In love and wifed me on the spot, he still my boo
— Slayloma (@Palomacole) October 23, 2017
I know it sounds trashy, but hear me out — sex obviously isn't always a magical, emotionally intimate experience. Duh. I went to college. But odds are if you actually end up dating with someone, the first time you guys slept together was pretty significant.
Your fuckiversary is also way easier to locate on a calendar, because odds are decent that there are actual receipts. Whether it's a juicy text to the group chat, an awkward post-coital phone number exchange or even a Finsta post (if you're a sharer like that), it'll be way easier to locate exact information on when you and your partner first banged than it would be to find the exact moment you two decided you wanted to be exclusive.
Today marks me and Molly's 1 year "fuckiversary." Obviously the most monumental day so far in our relationship.
— Jeff (@JeffShakeIt) July 7, 2017
Plus, I don't know about you guys, but I'll honestly take any excuse to dig my hooks further into my partner. Once I actually decide to commit, everything's a damn holiday. So if you wanna further trap your man — I mean, celebrate the loving partnership you've built together, celebrate your fuckiversary. Any excuse for a fancy dinner, am I right?
Should I go to Costa Rica with this wealthy older man I just met?
Or is it the plot of Taken 4!
by Harry Shukman
Imagine a mysterious and rich man met you in the park – the park! – asked you out, paid for your drinks, gave you gift cards, offered you dental surgery, and then asked to take you away to Costa Rica. Should you go? That's what one girl is asking in a relationship advice post that has to…
Guess which rapper this girl cheated on her boyfriend with!
‘The next video is of them twerking and the same dude grinding on them’
by Harry Shukman
Here's a fun game if you're feeling like a dick! With whichst rapper did this girl cheat on her boyfriend with? The clues are in this story about a newly-single dude who poured his heart out on a relationship advice site, and it's brutal as hell (although he's now laughing about it, which means you…
Power ranking every U.S. President by their dick size
Every day is Presidents Day here
by Amanda Ross, Josh Kaplan and Harry Shukman
INT: WHITE HOUSE – NIGHTThe President is hunched over his desk. His tie is undone, there’s stubble on his face, and he looks exhausted. Papers are scattered in front of him as he drafts a speech. Suddenly, an aide bursts into the room and shouts: “Mr President, Mr President, sir!” The President looks worried, and…