We should all be back on our bullshit for the last few weeks of 2017

Mark your calendars because today is the day we're officially all back on our bullshit.

We're finally at a point in the year where we can accept the sweet release of death, resolute that nothing in 2017 can possibly get better from here.

With the new year comes a new you so if my calculations are correct — and they are — we have precisely 41 days before we need to be back on our best behavior. If you're going to fuck your ex, you have six weeks. If you're going to eat 47 mozzarella sticks instead of going to the gym, this is your last shot.

Here's how to ruin your life so the glow-up feels real in 2018:

Eat whatever the fuck you want

Thanksgiving is a once-a-year meal so don't let it be a throwaway one.

Starting your diet beforehand it is a waste of your talents and you know it. Put on some sweatpants and start focusing on what really matters: lining the stomach for desert.

Get back together with your ex

You've tasted something new and you hated every last second of it. This year has been a long, roundabout journey to get you right back where you began and now you can finally enjoy it without all the guilt riding on your back.

They can't say you didn't try.

Bring back raccoon eyeliner

If you're going to try a bizarre new look, now would be the time. Come 2018 everyone will be on their best behavior, and particularly so looks wise.

This is your last chance to put those Goodwill threads to use while calling it "fashion."

Let the rest of your makeup go to shit

Sweat it all off, smudge it on a one night stand or cry it off in the middle of the street.

We'll start using makeup-wipes and cleaners in the new year.

Spend too much money on Ubers

Fuck public transport. If we're all gonna die here, we're gonna die in a sick ride.

Summon the devil

You tried being John Mayer's good Jesus loving girl, but you've always known it wasn't going to last.

Now, you can finally return to your father, Lucifer.

Then sell your soul to him after

Just make sure he offers you something useful for it in return, like a cool naked bodycon suit or 1.2 million in album sales.

Scream and cry at someone you love

Once 2018 comes around you're going to have to block their number or refrain from calling, so spend a bit more time making their lives a living hell while you still can.

Trust white dudes with all your heart

They're not coming with us into the next year, so we might as well spend these last tender moments holding them in our arms and reminding them of what could've been.

Post drunk Snaps on your story

Snap your mom, snap your aunt and flash a titty on your story. Pretty soon you'll have to actually monitor who you're sending these things to.

Plot and follow through with your SO's murder

Go full Amy Dunne on someone's ass and then disappear into January with a disguise; this way you can be sure they won't follow.

Burn every last fucking bridge in your life.

You don’t even have to be high, drunk or horny to be back on your bullshit this time.

The last few weeks of the year are basically The Purge, except instead of killing anybody you want, you can focus on ruining your own life.

What happens in 2017 stays in 2017.

@carolinephinney