Here’s how to pull a Meghan Markle and find your own British boyfriend
The who, what, where, when, and how
by Amanda Ross
For reasons unbeknownst to me, almost every other American woman I know is totally transfixed with the idea of dating a Guy With An Accent. And among all the marbles-in-their-mouth accented men, the type that seems to be the most popular is the English accent.
For me, my train of thought when faced with an English accent is this:
1. British Man
2. Benedict Squigglysmatch
3. This potato
This potato looks like Benedict Cumberbatch. pic.twitter.com/IyW1zTaQ99
— Professor Snape (@_Snape_) August 26, 2014
But some of you are very determined to Meghan Markle and snap up a pip-pip-cherrio kind of dude, so I set out to figure out how exactly an American Woman can snag a British Dude. Luckily, most of babe's parent company's employees are British so by "set out to figure out how", I mean I went up to all of them and asked "how?" Here's what they said:
Know where to find them
According to every British dude I know, virtually every city in America is teeming with British ex-pats if you know where to look — it's like when you turn over a rock and find a zillion squirming bugs underneath!
So if you're looking for an oh-so-casual run-in, there are two key places to go: Sports bars at 10 a.m. on Saturday are playing premier league games (that's soccer, y'all) so show up if you want a soccer scarf-wearing dude to buy you some ungodly stout beer. If they can tear themselves away from the screen, that is. If you arrive at the bar at 10 a.m. and they're not showing the game (match?) then you'll just look like an alcoholic, but whatever.
I'm also told that a lot of bars that bill themselves as pubs are actually legitimate British pubs, especially if they've got posters for shit like rugby or whatever in the windows. If you're sober, I'm sorry but I don't think a British dude is right for you.
Play up what they like about American girls
Again, this is all based on my batch of buddies at the office, but it was agreed upon across the board that British guys like how direct and assertive American women are. One guy told me, "All British people — men and women — are basically Hugh Grant. Self-assurance and straight-forwardness are refreshing."
This is not to make you like, run up to a buck-toothed dude and just grab his dick but rather than hedging around getting his number, just go for it.
Don't be a stereotype, though
As much as I love doing this to my friends and coworkers, British people don't especially liiiiike being reduced to caricatures. Save ball-busting for people you're not trying to fuck. Also, when I asked for some tips on total turnoffs, the dudes were practically foaming at the mouth to tell me to tell you guys what not to do.
So here it is: Don't mimic their accent (though you definitely will, especially when drunk — trust me), don't act like Europe is all one place and you totally get what's it's like to be British because you once studied abroad for a month is Barthhhelona.
One guy says you shouldn't overdo it on the twee British shit like Sherlock and Harry Potter, but…he also thinks the UK let America win the Revolutionary War, so. Grain of salt, friends.
‘I’ll text you’ is the death kiss of first dates, and anything anyone else tells you is a lie
The three day rule is a sham
by Caroline Phinney
So you went on a ~magical~ first date, he said he’ll text you tomorrow, but now it's tomorrow and it just hit 5pm and he is a liar.You've been trying to distract yourself by doing things you'd never normally do (like cleaning your room and calling your aging relatives), you've canceled plans with friends to…
‘What is wrong with me?’: This girl made an entire exit survey for guys who break up with her
Our days of wild speculation are over!
by Nian Hu
We can all agree that breakups suck. But the worst part about a breakup isn't even the heartbreak itself, or the fact that you feel like you're going to be alone forever — it's not knowing why. For most of us, we never really find out why we got dumped. Was it because you found…
Your #MCM has nothing on this big-dicked zoo animal
Time to dump your boyfriend for a tapir
by Nian Hu
Look, we all know that men can be unbelievably frustrating. Sure, they can be cute sometimes. But they barrage us with thirsty DMs and unsolicited dick pics, they ghost us after one date, and they use the same body wash to clean their hair and their nutsack. Hard pass. And even when we do end…