Why an ‘EggBoy’ is the only kind of fuckboy actually worth dating


lust  • 

Why an ‘EggBoy’ is the only kind of fuckboy actually worth dating

Send the softboys home, it’s eggboy szn

There's a famous quote about writing that says if you make it to 18, you have enough experiences to write about forever. And like, yeah, but the same applies to fuckboys. By the time you hit your 20s, you've already dated virtually every kind of guy the world has to offer. Except one.

The so-dubbed eggboy (dubbed by me, I'm coining this) is a recent creating, formed at the height of the social media boom. While you were busy tweeting suicide memes and laughing at the "Whoever threw that paper your mom's a hoe" Vine, thousands of eggboys were forming in their bedrooms.

They were forming not unlike the Uruk-Hai in that one scene in Lord of the Rings (yeah, I'm single):

But the difference is, these dudes aren't here to pillage your village and destroy your last fortress stronghold — no, these are the only kinds of fuckboys you actually want to date. And if you've already got one, consider yourself lucky.

Eggboys are exactly what they sound like

Hard shell, ooey-gooey center. These guys are fuckboys in name only. They might talk the blustery, lightly misogynistic banter of the Softboy, the Litboy, the Hypeboy, but the difference is it's all a show for the approval of other dudes. He'll double-tap the photos of Insta sluts all day but when that day is over, you're the only one he wants to actually fuck. He's aaaaaall about pushing for butt stuff, but he wants to cuddle afterwards.

Here's the thing: it's the best of both worlds. You're among friends here, so you can admit to me that you love dating jerks. I do too, it's OK! But that's why Eggboy is so great. It's all the fun facade of dating a complete piece of shit, but he's secretly too sensitive to even watch the new episodes of Stranger Things without you.

He legit cares about that crazy dream you had last night

Eggboys were brought up my mothers influenced by the Age of Oprah, so it's really all about feelings with them. When you say you had a dream that he cheated on you in your sleep and that's why you're cranky, he gets it — because he had the same one.

Catch him secretly reading your horoscopes to see if you're compatible and then try to cover it up like he was doing something HyperManly like watching DP porn or something. These dudes are in tooouch with their feelings. Sometimes it can be obnoxious (only one of us can cry at the end of Titanic, OK?) and sometimes it's really, really nice (when he doesn't tell you to "just deal with" your childhood dog dying.)

You can change him for the better

My mom always said the only thing you can really change about a man is the way he dresses, but that's not true for Eggboys. Because they were created, not born, there's room for improvement. Remember, this is a dude who genuinely cares what you think and does not want to lose you. That's the most critical part. A true fuckboy wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire (isn't that a gross expression? I really wanted to say it!) but that's where the Eggboy diverges from the path. They're dedicated to improvement because they're dedicated to you. Isn't that a wild concept?

Get cracking.


original video by