I tried to seduce guys on Tinder by using a ‘food hack’ and it completely backfired

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I tried to seduce guys on Tinder by using a ‘food hack’ and it completely backfired

Who would’ve thought?

Eating food: that classic thing we all do to not die.

I eat food every single day of my life but it's not really something I tend to bring up in conversation, or into the bedroom. According to a study done by Zoosk, however, mentioning food in a dating app bio can actually increase your chances of matching with other people.

The foods most likely to cause potential suitors to swipe right are pretty predictable. Mentioning guacamole can up your matches by 144 percent while potatoes, chocolate, salads, sushi and pasta can also dramatically increase your clout.

I'm not the hungriest girl on the block, but I sure am thirsty, so I hit Tinder once again in an attempt to reel in men with my appetite. Obviously, I adjusted my bio accordingly:

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I'll admit that I was laying it on a little thick with the emojis

Honestly, as I was typing it all out, I got fucking annoyed at myself. Liking food, similar to liking dogs, is a relatively common, safe pursuit, but not a particularly interesting one. With this bio, I'd definitely swipe left on me.

Most of the guys who hit me up referenced my affinity for food, which is cool because it meant that they knew how to understand subtle, nuanced context clues like "Could you tell I was hungry when I wrote this bio." I love a man who makes me feel heard.

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Dave didn't have any pictures of his face so I think he was a Catfish.

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Thought you didn't know what pasta was! This is why I have trust issues.

On the plus side, eating food is a huge date activity, so I got asked out pretty quickly when I did actually talk to someone. On the minus side, I was doing this for an article and not because I actually wanted to go out on a date, so there wasn't a lot to say from that point onward.

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"Discovered"

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He didn't respond after that…

But even though I still got some responses, because Tinder is and will always be a cesspool, I was dramatically less popular as "girl who likes food" than I was in my previous iterations as a Tinder troll.

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Chivalry is not dead!

I matched with a fair amount of guys because I'm cute, but I got way fewer messages than I did when I only spoke in Taylor Swift lyrics or declared that I intended to be married by the end of the year, and had to exhaust my daily swipes to even get a big enough pool to write about.

In a culture where women are often shamed for what they eat, displaying a preference for food could potentially be seen as a radical act, but as a seduction strategy it falls woefully flat. Food and the act of enjoying it are so universal that there really isn't a lot to say about them.

Despite what Zoosk's profile scientists (not the official title, probably) want you to believe, liking food is not an attractive personality trait, because it's not much of a personality trait at all. Knowing that "guac is extra!" doesn't make you appealing, it just makes you a person who has been inside of a Chipotle before.

Maybe if I advertised (imaginary) cooking skills, it'd be a different story, but writing something that would invite that many "women belong in the kitchen" jokes would probably give me an aneurysm so I'm staying away.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to dip some tortilla chips in a certain avocado-based spread.

@k80way

original video by

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