These anal sex horror stories will scare you away from butt stuff forever
Ass: The final frontier
by Katie Way
Whether you think anal is as kinky as it gets or you’d rather rim a guy than hold hands with him in public, I think we can all agree that ass play can sometimes be a very dangerous game.
The butt, after all, isn’t primarily for… that. There’s a reason “it’s an exit, not an entrance” is pretty much a trope at this point. But that doesn’t mean incorporating butt stuff into the bedroom is out of the question — after all, doesn’t a little risk make the reward all the sweeter?
The Moment You Get Into A Relationship That Person Automatically Becomes Your Bestfriend, Don't Treat Them Any Different.
T-Treat Them Right
A-Always Be Their #1 Fan
S-Show Them You're Really The One They Should Have
— Fxcc Cats (@idkanyhoes) November 29, 2017
It does… until it doesn’t. Here are a few stories from our loyal, adventurous readers and friends about what can happen if you choose to take the proverbial path less traveled. Read on… if you dare!
A fiery affair
So one time, actually my first time doing anal, I️ was super drunk and we used hand lotion as lube. I️t burned SO fucking bad, but what made it worse is we had regular sex after. I️ literally woke up the next morning burning and was in pain all day 🙃
I️ am surprisingly resilient and didn’t get any infections! But I️ never had sex with that guy again.
– Nancy, 21
Failure to launch
We were both so clueless. As he said “Turn around, I want to try this on you” I was like ohhh, exciting… But basically, I didn’t know you needed to use lube! After a few tries he kept trying to make it work, and he even grabbed a pillow for me to hold! And then he got off the bed to get a better angle?!
I wasn’t feeling it and frankly, I was turned the fuck off. It all makes sense now, but I was wondering why it was the worst thing ever. It was not enjoyable at all and I literally asked him if he was sure what he was doing.
The actual medical emergency
My ex wanted to try butt stuff in that he wanted me to penetrate him, and as the good girlfriend I was, I thought I’d have him do me as an act of solidarity.
So one day we’re in the shower together with gloves and lube. First I finger him and all is well. Then he fingers me; all is going well until I tell him to stop because he’s pressing really hard in the middle of the small of my back.
Turned out he had popped my sacrum out of place which then pinched my sciatic nerve and I couldn’t walk upright for a few months, and walking in general was extremely painful. I still have sciatic nerve issues with my legs because of that.
– Ava, 23
Free Willy (1993)
One time I shoved this thing up my ass, and now I keep it on the side of my bathtub just to remind myself of what I’m capable of. It was an experience for sure. It was more of a power move than a pleasure move… It was inside of a bath bomb I had just used and I thought why not? I wanted to know what it was like!
– Taylor, 20
At least he asked?
I was hooking up with this guy, and it was going pretty well, but as he was fingering me he started to move his hand to my asshole… and then back to my pussy… and then back to my asshole… and he whispered in my ear, “Do you like it when I make your ass wet?” which I kind of didn’t? It just didn’t feel like anything great. But I was so surprised that I just said “uhhhh, yeah” and kept kissing him.
The sex was good, but I was super paranoid that I was going to get a UTI because of cross-contamination so it definitely took me out of the moment.
– Emily, 22
The snooze fest
I had always been nervous about butt stuff given the horror stories you hear, but it wasn’t as bad as I’d heard. That was literally my first thought: “This doesn’t hurt that much.” It wasn’t exactly pleasurable, but it was fine.
The problem was the guy had this not so adorable thing where he couldn’t cum after he had a few drinks. It was like to opposite of whiskey dick, which sounds great in theory, but then he never finishes. It was the never-ending butt fuck and eventually I just wanted to go to sleep.
– Anna, 23
Should I go to Costa Rica with this wealthy older man I just met?
Or is it the plot of Taken 4!
by Harry Shukman
Imagine a mysterious and rich man met you in the park – the park! – asked you out, paid for your drinks, gave you gift cards, offered you dental surgery, and then asked to take you away to Costa Rica. Should you go? That's what one girl is asking in a relationship advice post that has to…
Guess which rapper this girl cheated on her boyfriend with!
‘The next video is of them twerking and the same dude grinding on them’
by Harry Shukman
Here's a fun game if you're feeling like a dick! With whichst rapper did this girl cheat on her boyfriend with? The clues are in this story about a newly-single dude who poured his heart out on a relationship advice site, and it's brutal as hell (although he's now laughing about it, which means you…
Power ranking every U.S. President by their dick size
Every day is Presidents Day here
by Amanda Ross, Josh Kaplan and Harry Shukman
INT: WHITE HOUSE – NIGHTThe President is hunched over his desk. His tie is undone, there’s stubble on his face, and he looks exhausted. Papers are scattered in front of him as he drafts a speech. Suddenly, an aide bursts into the room and shouts: “Mr President, Mr President, sir!” The President looks worried, and…