These celebrity glo-ups definitively prove that nobody’s actually ugly, just broke
When is mine coming though?
by Katie Way
Celebrities: they're not really like us at all, despite what their publicists want you believe — they're rich, famous, and probably verified on Instagram.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you a new face, luxury skincare products and access to a personal trainer so like… yes it can. Here's a short list of celebrities who tasted fame and then invested their newfound resources into their most valuable asset… themselves.
Me when i google plastic surgery before and afters pic.twitter.com/85JBV2IXDb
— snackria (@cakefacedcutie) November 29, 2017
Lest I get slapped with a Cease and Desist letter, let me just say that Ms. Swift has only gotten more beautiful, naturally, with age and no augmentation of any kind whatsoever. And that's great!
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds seem like they're really having a good time being white and faintly charismatic together, and I don't want to hate. It's not like she was hideous before she got work done — babe is a pro-cosmetic surgery publication, we promise! But, uh, the nose knows, if you feel me.
Okay, so maybe you could attribute the East Atlanta Santa's glo-up to sobriety more than fame because he was still pretty popular pre-glo, but I'll maintain that 2016-17 were good years for Gucci and Gucci only, physically, romantically and financially. He looks amazing, is featured on chart-topping tracks on a regular basis, and recently married the love of his life. I'm so happy for him!
King Kylie is queen of the motherfucking surgically enhanced glo-up, and again there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As long as she's actually happy, that is, which is slightly… questionable. But either way, she looks great and for the amount of hype surrounding those fucking lip kits I should be able to walk away with a similarly glo'd pout, right?
Wow, superstar soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo is a textbook example of how helpful proper orthodontia can be. I'm definitely gonna get my kids braces, if I have kids. This before and after has absolutely sealed the deal on that one.
In Iggy's defense, mascara was probably the biggest contributor to this glo-up. But it's probably really expensive mascara, and the way she raps is racist, so I guess I don't really feel the need to defend her at all!
I did have a dream about marrying this billionaire inventor and SpaceX CEO a few nights ago so I hope I'm not totally blowing my shot here, but c'mon. Elon Musk's glo-up a pretty drastic example of what hair plugs and bunch of write-ups about how you're the future of humanity can do for a guy. Elon, DM me!
Josh Peck was fat and likable on Drake & Josh and now he's slender and annoying on YouTube. The glo-up is only skin deep, but at least he lost the baby fat.
Again, I'm obviously not saying that pre-fame Kim K was disgusting; all women are beautiful! But the celebrity glo-up rocketed Kim K from the hottest girl in your pledge class to the literal hottest woman in the world. We really scoffed when Kanye compared Ms. Kardashian West to Marilyn Monroe a few years ago, but for what? She's iconic and there's no way around it.
Sarah Jessica Parker
I'm a hardcore Sex and the City fan and refuse to listen when haters say that she looks like a horse, but post-fame SJP is admittedly a bit more elegant than her less-tweaked counterpart. Either way though, so stylish and so much better than Matthew Broderick.
The Hot Sprouse Twin
Cole! It's Cole, and continuous fame has been quite kind to him. There's no way he could afford a dye job that sleek or find such an unlimited supply of fields to look sultry in if he was a plebeian like the rest of us.
This site will tell you if any shitbag men are associated with your favorite TV shows and movies
So you know what to remove from your ‘things to watch’
by Ari Bines
I'm a no-life kinda gal, which means I spend a huge chunk of my dull weekends catching up on shows I missed. But after that massive slew of actors and execs were exposed showing their weird-looking dicks to women, I want to know who's behind the curtain of my entertainment, too. Luckily, a team of…
Your weekly love horoscopes are here, and they’re actually all pretty good
Solid time to be an Aries
by Caroline Phinney
Sorry to bum you out, but this week is a really good one to (cringes) bunker down and get shit done. Trust me, this isn't the horoscope I wanted either — but it's important to lay the groundwork before the holidays are in full-swing and you've got nothing to worry about other than which high…
It looks like Rihanna is engaged, I’m so excited that I’m having an out-of-body experience
Fenty by Vera Wang??????
by Katie Way
Rihanna was photographed walking around in New York City sporting her most outrageous accessory yet — a large, diamond ring on her left ring finger. We already know what the fuck is going on: Ms. Fenty might just be engaged to Hassan Jameel, the Saudi billionaire she was spotted making out with in a pool…