These celebrity glo-ups definitively prove that nobody’s actually ugly, just broke


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These celebrity glo-ups definitively prove that nobody’s actually ugly, just broke

When is mine coming though?

Celebrities: they're not really like us at all, despite what their publicists want you believe — they're rich, famous, and probably verified on Instagram.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you a new face, luxury skincare products and access to a personal trainer so like… yes it can. Here's a short list of celebrities who tasted fame and then invested their newfound resources into their most valuable asset… themselves.

Taylor Swift

Legally I have to say she was cute before too, but…

Lest I get slapped with a Cease and Desist letter, let me just say that Ms. Swift has only gotten more beautiful, naturally, with age and no augmentation of any kind whatsoever. And that's great!

Blake Lively

I swear we didn't add the arrow!

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds seem like they're really having a good time being white and faintly charismatic together, and I don't want to hate. It's not like she was hideous before she got work done — babe is a pro-cosmetic surgery publication, we promise! But, uh, the nose knows, if you feel me.

Gucci Mane

Bitch, he might have

Okay, so maybe you could attribute the East Atlanta Santa's glo-up to sobriety more than fame because he was still pretty popular pre-glo, but I'll maintain that 2016-17 were good years for Gucci and Gucci only, physically, romantically and financially. He looks amazing, is featured on chart-topping tracks on a regular basis, and recently married the love of his life. I'm so happy for him!

Kylie Jenner

Maybe it's puberty but, uh, no it's not

King Kylie is queen of the motherfucking surgically enhanced glo-up, and again there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As long as she's actually happy, that is, which is slightly… questionable. But either way, she looks great and for the amount of hype surrounding those fucking lip kits I should be able to walk away with a similarly glo'd pout, right?

Cristiano Ronaldo

Again, arrows and labels are NOT on me!

Wow, superstar soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo is a textbook example of how helpful proper orthodontia can be. I'm definitely gonna get my kids braces, if I have kids. This before and after has absolutely sealed the deal on that one.

Iggy Azalea

Still stuntin', how you luh tha?

In Iggy's defense, mascara was probably the biggest contributor to this glo-up. But it's probably really expensive mascara, and the way she raps is racist, so I guess I don't really feel the need to defend her at all!

Elon Musk

I hope I don't get banned from Mars in 2045 for writing this.

I did have a dream about marrying this billionaire inventor and SpaceX CEO a few nights ago so I hope I'm not totally blowing my shot here, but c'mon. Elon Musk's glo-up a pretty drastic example of what hair plugs and bunch of write-ups about how you're the future of humanity can do for a guy. Elon, DM me!

Josh Peck

God, this dude is annoying either way.

Josh Peck was fat and likable on Drake & Josh and now he's slender and annoying on YouTube. The glo-up is only skin deep, but at least he lost the baby fat.

Kim Kardashian

Another element of this glo-up is that she doesn't have to do Paris's bidding anymore.

Again, I'm obviously not saying that pre-fame Kim K was disgusting; all women are beautiful! But the celebrity glo-up rocketed Kim K from the hottest girl in your pledge class to the literal hottest woman in the world. We really scoffed when Kanye compared Ms. Kardashian West to Marilyn Monroe a few years ago, but for what? She's iconic and there's no way around it.

Sarah Jessica Parker

It was real of her to keep the mole.

I'm a hardcore Sex and the City fan and refuse to listen when haters say that she looks like a horse, but post-fame SJP is admittedly a bit more elegant than her less-tweaked counterpart. Either way though, so stylish and so much better than Matthew Broderick.

The Hot Sprouse Twin

I thiiink this is the same one. But wouldn't like, put money on it

Cole! It's Cole, and continuous fame has been quite kind to him. There's no way he could afford a dye job that sleek or find such an unlimited supply of fields to look sultry in if he was a plebeian like the rest of us.

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