A definitive ranking of every fuckboy on Sex and the City

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A definitive ranking of every fuckboy on Sex and the City

And no, Mr. Big is not #1

I recently had to tell my dumbass friend that she'd been using her Amazon Prime account all wrong when she didn't know she had access to all 6 seasons of Sex and the City. Once I upgraded her, we sat down, rolled up a doobie, and re-analyzed why and how every man the girls dated were all fuckboys. Here's how each one's bafoonery ranks from bad to worse.

7. Skipper, the wannabe fuckboy

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He was a tad desperate

In season one, Skipper was feening for a girlfriend and Carrie was his wingwoman, setting him up with Miranda. And while Miranda seemed like she didn't want to give skipper the time of day, she broke up with him just to end up jealous of the new girl Skippy started dating (who worked at Vogue).

What makes Skip a fuckboy is that when Miranda was on her fuckgirl shit calling him out of her jealously, Skipper took the bait and answered while still inside the girl who worked at Vogue. Classy, Skip.

6. Vaughn, the shameful cummer

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He got a little too excited

For those of you who need a little bit of a refresher, Vaughn was the guy Carrie dated and got along super well with his family, and especially, his mother. That ain't easy.

What more could a girl looking for love ask for? Umm…Not to cum too fast, durr. When Carrie and Vaughn finally took the leap into the sack, Carrie didn't even get the chance to remove her Christian Louboutin's before he let his wad blow. Damn, dude.

Carrie, being a great gf and being sensitive to his emasculation, tried to discuss the issue with him, like an adult, but instead she, and his family, were on the receiving end of his bitch fit. And like Carrie, I too, would've walked the fuck outta that awkward situation.

5. Aidan Shaw, the uninterested fuckboy

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A baby? Did you even know her, Aidan?

While everyone was rooting for Aidan to win Carrie's heart at the end of the series, he slipped up in the love game. The furniture craftsman was always in his own ways. What makes Aidan somewhat of a fuckboy is that he honestly didn't even really know Carrie.

Everyone else under the sun knew that Carrie was and always would be a City Girl. She hated the countryside, where he spent his weekends, wasn't really a fan of Pete (Aidan's dog), and like, dude, you really thought Carrie would trade in her stilettos for strollers? Guess again.

4. Trey McDougal, the pretender

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You played her good, dude.

Alrighty. So, we know Charlotte was clearly a desperate woman as she:

A. Engaged herself

B. Married Trey after dating only a few months

C. Pressed him for a baby after a few months of marriage

However, Trey still had his part in their marriage as a fuckboy. Think about it. You could mirror my previous points on Charlotte's desperation with Trey's fuckboyism. Trey:

A. Didn't propose

B. Married Charlotte, knowing he had issues getting it up (the fuck??)

C. Ended up not wanting to have a baby after her news of fertility issues

Boy, bye. Just continue playing the mayor on Portlandia, bro.

3. Richard, the pussy eater

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The go-to fuckboy trick

Samantha Jones was never one to settle down, nor settle for anything less than the perfect dick. Unfortunately for Sam, though, she got just that.

For starters, prior to them dating, he initially didn't want to give Samantha a job to represent him as his publicist because she fucked his coworker. But so what? If Samantha was Sam, he'd be getting all the praise. However, what really takes the cake of Richard's gain in fuckboy status is Samantha catching him eating another woman's pussy after she was already skeptical of his potential cheating ways. But like, joke's on him because Samantha ended up bedding the hot waiter-turned-model. Good things cum to those who get fucked over.

2. Mr. Big, the 'Duh, he's a fuckboy!' fuckboy

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His real name was John

Oh what a BIG mistake you made, Carrie, running into this man after laying down with another dude that didn't give a rat's ass about your feelings. Where do we even start with this one.

Mr. Big was a smooth-talker, classy, and understood the finer things in life, just like Carrie. However, she suffered heavy emotional trauma after not being any kind of priority in Big's life. And while Carrie did everything she could to not take the bait that was his charm and Frank Sinatra-inspired style.

Let us not forget that Big did marry a 27-year-old (tsk, tsk), after he blatantly stated to Carrie that he would never ever want to get married again. Oh yeah and the incessant break-ups and make-ups between the two over all 6 seasons and both Sex and the City films. Fuckboy shit at its finest.

1. Steve, the life ruiner

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Miranda was way out of his league

Like I just said, Miranda was way out of Steve's league. And he guilt-tripped her every time to never let her forget it.

The first time Steve broke Miranda's heart was when she invited him to a law function and he couldn't afford the suit he tried on at the store. And, of course, when Miranda offered to buy it, he declined and whipped out his checkbook.

The second time they broke up, it was because Miranda didn't want to have a baby as she just became partner at her law firm and could actually afford her own in-house maid. Bye, bye baby. And so what if I'm feelin a little selfish?! Sue me!

The icing on the cake…

He cheated on her after she moved (from the Upper East side to Brooklyn, no less) for him and their accidental son, Brady. In reality, Miranda had her life all set and single, but gave up A LOT for Steve and his annoying misery just for him to do her even dirtier than any of the other girls' lame ass beaus.

@aribines

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