Sorry, liking dogs, pizza and travel isn’t the same as having an actual personality
EVERYONE LIKES TRAVELING
by Katie Way
I'm starting the movement now: in 2018, we've gotta stop trying to make our interests into adjectives.
It's not bad to like stuff, and it's not bad to post about liking stuff, but you've gotta admit that it's kind of annoying when someone builds an entire persona around something generic and tries to claim it as their "thing."
Being nice, funny, thoughtful, creative — those are actual qualities. Your interests definitely say something about who you are, but I think it's high time we stop coasting on our love of…
no shade, but I think being obsessed w/ dogs in 2016 is the same thing as wearing a mustache necklace in 2012
— Olivia Craighead (@oliviacraighead) May 25, 2016
If I hear someone say the word "doggos" unironically in 2018 I am walking out on the spot. Of course you like dogs, they're amazing and they're everywhere. Save it for Facebook groups or the strangers you harass on the street while they're trying to get their labradoodle to take a shit.
It's a universally beloved food. A sleepover staple. A classic incentive to attend a meeting for the club you only joined so you could put it on your resumé. We don't need to talk about it.
Eating in general
Being sentient and dependent on your body isn't a unique quirk because it's literally a universal human experience. You need to eat food to not die. Plus, acting special because you love food can actually make people who struggle with eating disorders feel like shit. Doesn't mean you can't 'gram your boozy brunch, just some food… for thought.
I love smoking weed. holy shit, when I smoke nuggets boy. When I smoke a fucking nugget, grind that shit up. Wait let me finish. This weed shit, it gets me so fucked up, this weed shit it is next level boy. I do not care how I smoke it, just let me have it, gotta get that nugget
— Krispy Scream (@mitchysuch) November 28, 2017
Smoking weed doesn't make you an interesting person, it just means you have a disposable income and a job that doesn't piss test. I'm all for being regaled with stories about the time you and your friends ate an edible and then called 911 because you thought you were going to die, but if you don't have anything else going on then maybe you should smoke less.
Music is my life. The lyrics are my story.
— Relationship ♡ (@ohteenquotes) November 30, 2017
It's actually way more interesting not to like music than it is to be into it at this point, and that's a hill I'm willing to die on.
Oh, you like going to a new place, eating delicious food and relaxing? That's so cool! I've never met anybody else who enjoys learning about new cultures and having experiences. Please, tell me more about your train ride from Berlin to Amsterdam. Saying that "everybody NEEDS to backpack through Europe in their early 20s" doesn't make you sound unaware of most people's financial reality at all!
me: i hate yoga
him: i love yoga
— steven reyes somosa (@alejqa) December 1, 2017
I get it! It's really fun, good exercise, and great for improving flexibility, but that doesn't mean you need to corner me at this party and talk to me about your "practice." Save it for the #namaste hashtag.
The pop culture of previous decades
Congratulations, you have a Alanis Morissette playlist on Spotify. Only a true 90s kid will remember why I blocked the phrase "only a true 90s kid will remember" from my Twitter feed.
Wtf y’all tweet about? I don’t even know how to use twitter anymore. Seems like it’s just memes. Everything is just memes now and i hate it. Y’all uninterested unless it’s a meme.
— Sound Boy (@apedrums) November 27, 2017
This one hits me where it hurts, but unfortunately liking memes is mainstream now. Memes are a pillar of millennial humor, and 13-year-olds on Instagram are already better at them than most of us will ever be. As soon as that shit hit Facebook, it was over.
Partying is tight, but talking about partying is dramatically less so. Whether you're bragging out getting into an exclusive club or recounting how absolutely plastered you were at formal 2 years ago, if I wasn't there and you didn't meet a celebrity, I don't give a fuck. It's like telling someone else about the dream you had last night, but with an even more incoherent narrative.
I like to party, and by party I mean watch Netflix
— *sarcastic emoji* (@ThinkSarcasm) November 16, 2017
The only thing worse than someone who's obsessed with going out is someone who's obsessed with the fact that they don't like going out. We get it, you've read a book and get anxious in overwhelming situations. Maybe use some of the time you spend in the prison of sobriety to generate a few original opinions? Just a thought!
Every girl needs a trap phone
Even if you’re not actually, y’know, trapping
by Amanda Ross
I have this friend. For the sake of our story, let's call her…Janet Vasquez. I'm not changing her name to protect the innocent because she thrives on attention (one of the many reasons we're friends) and because she's definitely not innocent. Me and Dammit Janet at a bar circa 2011, moments before she ran away…
BEHOLD: Pumpkin Spice Booze, because Pumpkin Spice Lattes are over and they haven’t invented Pumpkin Spice Cocaine yet
Catch me snorting nutmeg
by Amanda Ross
There is nothing wrong with a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Like astrology, Lush bath bombs, and any novel written by a woman, PSLs are in a special club of things that are objectively good and fun but hated on by dudes and girls who haven't yet realized that dudes who hate those things are garbage. But…
Your weekly horoscopes say everyone’s feeling particularly rebellious this week
Here’s what to expect
by Caroline Phinney
There's something about these final dog days of August that bring with them an energizing, revitalizing feel. Fall is on the way, which means it's almost time to cuff up or miss out. With Lilith in Capricorn, you'll be ready to make the first move this week. Good luck.AriesIt’s finally time to relax for you…