Micropenises feel better than big dicks, according to a scientist with a micropenis

All guys need to do is write an article saying small dicks, or veiny dicks, or hairy dicks or whatever dicks are better, get one person to go along with it and they're golden. But “don’t sweat the small stuff” is what guys with tiny dicks say.

According to a new "study" — although I'll use that word lightly — sex with a micropenis is "just as stimulating" as sex with a larger penis, "if not more."

"It helps you focus on other kinds of stimulation, like clitoral stimulation," says New York-based sex and relationship therapist Stephen Snyder, MD, in defense of the micropenis. Snyder has also been featured in outlets such as HuffPo and PsychologyToday.

But there's something about his study that seems skewed to forward an agenda of his own, or at least convince his girlfriend she didn't make the worst decision of her life choosing him. It's like when someone mentions small dicks and every guy feels the need to chime in "Imagine!?" confirming theirs as smallest.

Some of Snyder's other articles include, What’s The Sexiest Thing About Fifty Shades Of Grey? where he describes Christian Grey as a "Häagen-Dazs flavor of delicious ingredients," and Taking Female Orgasm To The Next Level in which he admits to learning to give a woman an orgasm online: "Amber’s vulva, freshly shaved and beautifully lit, appears on the screen."

But pushing a sexist agenda as a means of making yourself feel more secure is the most telling of any botched cover job — it's every guy who's ever called a woman fat just before speeding off in his dad's Porsche while blasting songs by known abusers.

"Maybe I’m just jealous, but I have a feeling his body wouldn’t have counted for quite as much if he weren't a billionaire," Snyder wrote in one of his pieces about Christian Grey, and $20 says he's jealous.

So don't believe this man's fake dick news, because if a guy doesn't know what to do with it, it doesn't matter if it's a micro penis or the biggest dick in the world, he's still going to make it seem ideal while shitting on you.

@carolinephinney