IRL • Dec 05 2017

QUIZ: Build a Hallmark Christmas movie and we’ll tell you which daddy to bring home for the holidays

Give me Mark Ruffalo or give me death

It's December, which means girls 18 and 98 alike are spending all of their free time drinking wine and and masturbating under their Christmas quilt to Hallmark Christmas romances and their false depictions of straight men who aren't complete shit.

Wouldn't your dull, real-life romance be so much better if it was with a hot Dad like Jeff Goldblum? I would say yes. Build a Hallmark movie and we'll predict which hot Daddy you bring home for the holidays – at least in your dreams.

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‘They will fuck your whole cell up’

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Skoop is babe.net’s prison correspondent. She’s currently incarcerated in SCI-Muncy, a maximum security women’s prison in Pennsylvania. She loves flirting, cooking and trap music. She’s also a writer and she sends her columns to us by letter. Her nickname, as she likes to say, is Skoop because she scoops up all the girls. She’s here…