Your ass is about to get ‘holidated’ by your worst ex, so just preemptively block his number
Cheers to drunken mistakes
Whether or not hooking up over the holidays while visiting your hometown is a wise decision is irrelevant because you're going to have more important decisions to make. Like whether or not you should get back with your two-timing, no-good, fuck-face ex for example.
But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. According to a new study, the holidays are the time of the year exes regret splitting up most, and will begin to re-think "holidating" you. (Let's all be grateful for a moment that we finally have a dating trend with an enjoyable name.)
Face it, the holidays are shit for singles. It's fucking freezing and you've got no one to "warm up" with, drinking mulled wine alone is depressing and for every cousin's SO you meet, you'll have to come up with another self-deprecating joke about your obvious lack of a plus-one.
Ima be lonely again for the holidays, this shit depressing https://t.co/0DILyMiORF
— Hyphy Nas (@hyphynas) November 26, 2017
Which is precisely why even though your ex hasn't thought about you in literally six months, he'll suddenly be overcome with thoughts of you as his drunk uncle rails him about what happened to that girl he mentioned last year. What ever happened to her?
He'll text you something like, "Merry Christmas! 🎁 Long time no talk. How have you been?"
being single during the holidays is so depressing like can I just have a seasonal bf lmaoo
— 🥀 (@joannaaamariee) December 6, 2017
And because you're shit-faced off egg-nog and your stoner cousin Steve's stash, you'll probably ending up messaging back something like, "I miss you" — and the rest is history. Well, at least until January when you're both back to work and suddenly he isn't so "lonely" anymore.
Should I go to Costa Rica with this wealthy older man I just met?
Or is it the plot of Taken 4!
by Harry Shukman
Imagine a mysterious and rich man met you in the park – the park! – asked you out, paid for your drinks, gave you gift cards, offered you dental surgery, and then asked to take you away to Costa Rica. Should you go? That's what one girl is asking in a relationship advice post that has to…
Guess which rapper this girl cheated on her boyfriend with!
‘The next video is of them twerking and the same dude grinding on them’
by Harry Shukman
Here's a fun game if you're feeling like a dick! With whichst rapper did this girl cheat on her boyfriend with? The clues are in this story about a newly-single dude who poured his heart out on a relationship advice site, and it's brutal as hell (although he's now laughing about it, which means you…
Power ranking every U.S. President by their dick size
Every day is Presidents Day here
by Amanda Ross, Josh Kaplan and Harry Shukman
INT: WHITE HOUSE – NIGHTThe President is hunched over his desk. His tie is undone, there’s stubble on his face, and he looks exhausted. Papers are scattered in front of him as he drafts a speech. Suddenly, an aide bursts into the room and shouts: “Mr President, Mr President, sir!” The President looks worried, and…