OPINION: You should be secretly looking through your partner’s phone

Apple was really looking out for us women when they created their new iPhone X because with its face recognition technology we can finally open our lying, cheating boyfriends' phones in their sleep.

I know you're thinking that's insane, you're fucking insane 'babe,' but the thought of snooping through a SO's phone has appealed to you — you just chickened out.

Maybe next time, instead of allowing your SO to gaslight you or tell you you're "acting paranoid," recognize that things probably are fizzling out, and their phone could almost definitely point you towards why (or who).

Here are signs you should look through their phone

If the person you're dating has a habit of bringing their phone to the bathroom when they get up or flipping it over when it's on the table between you two at dinner, it's because they're afraid of it lighting up with someone else's name in front of you — their ex, Carlie or their coworker, Jenna.

If it's not between the hours of 9 and 5, there's nothing Jenna could have to say to him that can't wait until tomorrow, unless it's a picture of her tits.

If they're weird about it, they're probably cheating

If the thing you fear most about looking through your partner's phone is them catching you, then you probably already have your answer.

The only reason someone would be angry at you snooping is because they have something worth hiding. Why get worked up about it unless they're guilty in the first place?

Even if it's not 'serious', you still deserve to know

Even if they aren't necessarily fucking someone else, they may be flirting or exchanging nudes — and that's just as bad.

If you're "exclusive" with someone and you've agreed to the terms of that exclusivity — like not messaging your exes, and not snapping your ass to that guy from college — then this counts as emotional cheating and gives you the proof to leave them if you choose to.

There's literally no shame in it

There's no shame in looking through your partner's phone — there's only shame in cheating.

If, at the end of your relationship, the only thing they have to be mad at you for is you "not trusting them," and the thing you have to be mad at them for is cheating on you — the thing you distrusted them about in the first place — you have absolutely nothing to lose from peeking.

Save yourself all the tears and stress, wait for them to run to the bathroom and swipe away. You won't regret it, because nobody ever has.

@carolinephinney