Every single girl he’ll tell you ‘not to worry’ about

Whether you've been dating someone for two weeks or two years, there are always going to be other women in his life: His mother, his sister, his grandma. But there'll also be a few more…troublesome ones.

At babe, we're of the firm belief that every woman you meet is a potential girl friend or girlfriend — but we're also crazy bitches sometimes, you know? Therefore, our game plan is trust him and love him, but don't be afraid to hold his iPhone X up to his face while he's sleeping to unlock it. It's called strategy, y'all.

Here's every single girl a guy will tell you "not to worry about" right before you panic and worry about her. Illustrations by Lucy Turnbull for babe.

The One From Work

There's a reason there are so many movies and shows about a budding romance in the workplace and it's because in boredom, absolutely anything, (even love and mostly lust), can take hold. The terms "work wife/husband" didn't just fall out of the sky.

Things get hot when you spend 70 hours a week in the same cubicle as someone else, bonding over the broken water cooler and how much you hate Cynthia from floor 3. Everyone needs someone to roll eyes with when their boss passes a cringe comment or says "you're all staying late," and that someone can't be you, because you aren't there.

Even if it starts out innocent, most things don't stay innocent forever. Holiday office parties are notorious for bringing out the devil in everyone.

The Best Friend

The rumors are true: Guys and girls cannot be just friends.

For a long time I believed those who said we could, and scoffed at those who argued otherwise. Until I counted all six of my friends and realized they're literally all girls. And then I counted all six of their friends and they're all girls, too.

And even though Katie claims to be best friends with Jason, every time you all get drunk together they sneak out and assume nobody's noticed.

But boning isn't like cigarettes — it still counts when you're lit.

The One Who's 'Like A Sister'

If she's "like a sister" that means he's known her forever — something that no matter how close you are with him, you'll never be able to say. She was there when he learned to swim, when he lost his first tooth and when he got caught masturbating for the first time.

Saying someone is "like a sister" is different than them actually being your sister. Think of all the guys you once thought of "like a brother" but have since imagined with their clothes off. I'd put money on the fact you've never imagined your brother that way.

The One Who Likes All Of His Instagrams

Rihanna is the only Instagram worth coming back to even when she doesn't like your posts back, so if Gabby-what's-her-name keeps coming back to your boyfriend Steve's every time he posts, you have to assume she's getting something in return.

If it's not through likes on Instagram then it's through something else, and don't even get me started on the girl who comments.

There are RULES on Instagram, and chief among them is you can only gas up your friends, the person you're fucking, and famous animals.

The One Who Is 'Just Visiting'

The only reason you'd ever get on a plane to visit someone — or even in a car to visit someone, gas is expensive tf — is because they're dying, they're already dead or you guys used to fuck the shit out of each other.

Look at his couch and then ask yourself if you would ever sleep on it. Now look at his couch and ask yourself if she would. Why suffer when there's a bed nearby?

And if you've shared a bed once, there's nothing strange about doing it again.

The One Who Always Invites Herself To Hang

If you guys are going out together and he casually mentions that "Marissa is coming along again," as if it's a total non-issue, you can rest assured he's also hanging out with Marissa when he's not with you.

If Marissa had even an inkling of an idea you two were together, she'd butt the fuck out and stop inviting herself places. So either he hasn't told her you're dating, or worse: he has, and she still wants to come along to try and break it up.

If he liked you, he'd want to spend time alone with you and wouldn't feel bad telling a permanent third-wheel that.

The One Who 'Has A Boyfriend'

If the only defense he has against you being skeptical towards her is that she "has a boyfriend," then you should leave. Now. Let me explain:

1) Name two people who have ever stopped themselves from cheating because they were in a relationship. 2) Refer back to one.

The Ex He's Still Friends With

The same way guys and girls can't be best friends, exes definitely can't be.

If he's ever had feelings for her before, his friendship with her will never be natural. And if he keeps pushing for it to be, it's because he's 100 percent still in love with her. Think of a single ex you're still friends with (and I mean a real ex, not someone you went on one date with because your friends pressured you). Now ask yourself if you're still friends.

If you're laughing at this article, thinking you've won because you and your ex did manage to stay friends, you won't be laughing when you hear what I have to tell you:

You're still in love with him.

The 'Friendly' Drunk

There's never any issue with this one until you're all at the bar, she's two shots of tequila in and suddenly her arm is on his shoulder and he's . . . not resisting???

We're all a bit more touchy-feely with alcohol in us but when it crosses the boundary into blatantly flirting right in front of you, it's totally okay to "accidentally" spill a drink on her in the bathroom. We'll back you up, girl.

The Roommate

There is no one more seemingly innocent and more truly dangerous than the roommate.

Any intimacy can be immediately played off as benign, and they can both walk around in their underwear and towels without it (technically) seeming inappropriate.

But if he's constantly telling you stories about them getting high together and then watching 50 Shades of Grey three times in a row "for jokes," there's more than regular showering going on.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

● This is why your boyfriend should actually watch MORE porn

● Why you should give your ex another shot, and how to make it work when you do

● Kim and Kanye are relationship goals, so my boyfriend and I tried living like them for a week

@carolinephinney