‘Someone took a dump in the fitting room’: We asked retail workers to share their scariest holiday stories and they delivered
We suggest you don’t eat while reading this
by Ari Bines
'Tis the season of slavemasters called managers, late as fuck returns and an overall lack of "common" sense. It's the holidays! And anyone and everyone who's working the Christmas shift in retail is pretty much ready to slit their wrists before the doors have even opened.
YEAH GUYS PLEASE DON’T FUCKING SHIT IN A HAT AND LEAVE IT IN THE FITTING ROOM. IT ALREADY HAPPENED TO ME ONCE. https://t.co/0AgY4bT1Jw
— bowser junior’s mom (@JISATSUMANlA) November 13, 2017
Before I worked at babe, I was an underpaid, unappreciated sales associate and cashier at Urban Outfitters. And after putting in enough hours behind the counter myself, I began to realize idiot customers who like to return shit-stained panties without a receipt will probably never go out of style.
One of my friends used to work at Kohl’s. Went to pick up a pile of clothes in the dressing room and poop rolled out 😖
— Spottieottiefupaliscious Angel (@CamDeezi) December 10, 2017
Not only does it suck ass being trapped in the fitting room, but not having a clue as to what's going on behind closed doors may have you in for a brutal awakening as to what it means to work in this industry as a whole.
I open the door all the way and there are exactly S E V E N PUDDLES OF LITERAL HUMAN SHIT ALL OVER THE FLOOR, THE TOILET SEAT, THE URINAL, AND THE DAMN SINK! THE S I N K!! HOW DO YOU REACH YOUR ASS TO THE SINK FOR THAT!? HOW!? FIRST OF ALL, WHY?!
— s. (@nopromisesierra) December 12, 2017
Some people intentionally want to fuck up your day, and your manager is probably in the douchebag holiday mode, telling you to put on a fake-ass smile while you're scrubbing unidentified green stuff out of the fitting room carpets.
I thought working retail during the holidays couldn't get any worse until I found a pile of green baby poop on the carpet in a fitting room tonight
— Sarah Allen (@sarallen2) November 26, 2017
If you ever thought for a second that there would be holiday perks to working when lights are going up, Christmas trees are Instagrammed, and Menoras are lit, you're delusional. Not even your friendly neighborhood Santa can keep his shit contained.
One year when I worked at Diesel in union square, we had to forcibly remove a drunk Santa for trying to shit in a fitting room.
— Travis Alexander (@travisalxndr) December 10, 2017
Oh yeah, and theft is at an all time high. I can't tell you how many times heaux tried to play me with fake Benjamins and demolishing security tags to get the five finger discount.
people piss on the security things on clothes to steal them too they say the piss messes with the sensor idk how true that is
— Poor Little Rich Boy ✨ (@TreRozay_) December 10, 2017
And if you thought your shift couln't go any slower, something in the store is just as over it as you are and breaks the fuck down.
true horror is working retail at christmas time and the debit machines don't work for the entire day 🙃
— mikayla ozga (@MikOzga) December 9, 2017
Anyone who's worked in the retail industry will always have a horror story in their back pocket and it may just scar you for the rest of your shop-a-holic life.
I can't shop for knickers anymore without remembering retail worker horror stories about girls who take lingerie shots for their insta in the change rooms then return said lingerie caked in shit
— Pet Juliet (@bitterbottom) December 12, 2017
Even our own readers have dealt with this garbage while on the job. Why do so many people feel the need to shit somewhere other than a restroom?
Shell, a Babe reader, recalled her experience in the early stages of her job at Staples. "We had a mystery pooper who would graffiti the walls of the men’s bathroom." Umm, excuse me? I thought that was strictly out of a Bob's Burgers episode.
Shoppers, too, should be wary of trying on things that are left in the fitting room. "There was a massive pile of clothes in the fitting room on the floor when I walked in," babe reader Laila told us. "As I was trying stuff on, I noticed a top that caught my eye in the pile, and I picked it up and found it was stuck to a dirty diaper." Oh, but children are so cute, right?
However, retail horror stories go beyond just human excretion. "One time I tried on this really cute pair of jeans, only to realize they were wet when I put them on," says reader Meghan. "They had a full period stain in the crotch!" Dis-GUSTING! Fortunately, the grossed-out management allotted her a 50% percent discount on another pair of jeans. Happy Ho! Ho! Ho!
Retailers, screw you. And associates, make sure you eat lunch in the morning, and wear plastic gloves and a face mask during your next fitting room shift.