2017 - 2024 Tab Media IRL •
You’re not an ‘introvert’ — you’re just an asshole
It’s not an excuse to be rude
by Katie Way
We all have that one friend who blames their frequent flaking on being "an introvert" — you know, someone who cannot POSSIBLY be expected to participate in normal social conventions because, actually, they get their energy from being alone.
Did you know that if an introvert is forced to answer a text message after 9 p.m. on a weeknight, they will wither away and die the way slugs do when you pour salt on them? Or at least, that's what self-proclaimed introverts want you to believe.
Do some people like spending time a lot of time alone? Totally, and that's fine. But if you think I'm interested in hearing about the fact that you drank tea and read Anna Karenina instead of partying like your extroverted peers, you're so fucking wrong.
There's a certain kind of person who claims that, as an introvert, they need to "recharge" after spending a lot of time with other people. But here's the thing — everyone needs to recharge sometimes. It's called being tired, and it's something that literally every human being experiences.
"Introverts" also love to brag about how hard it is to get into contact with them. But guess what? If it's hard to get you to talk to me or spend time with me, I will stop trying to talk to or spend time with you.
It's not cool or special to ignore your friends, it's annoying and weird. Don't expect me to be there for you when you run out of lavender essential oils if you weren't there for me when I freaked out and almost shaved my head because Lil Peep died.
There's also an element of pseudo-intellectualism running through the cult of introversion that is truly insufferable. Guess what, nerds: you can read books and still leave your house after 6 p.m. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.
And do not even get me fucking started on being an "ambivert": a person whose personality has a balance of introverted and extroverted features. So… all features? I'm ambilocated — sometimes I'm inside, and sometimes I'm outside! I'm also ambiconscious — sometimes I'm awake, but other times I'm asleep.
We don't need a word for everything, and we don't need any more excuses to be irritating. If you'd rather lie down than hang out with other people, that's sick for you. I'll just make sure I'm anywhere other than your room, so I don't have to hear you talk about how cool you think that is.