The best, weirdest, funniest, pettiest, sluttiest, most important babe moments of 2017
Everything you missed, and some things you didn’t
by Amanda Ross
This was babe's first full year of existence. We started off the year with exactly two staff members, and now we've just hired our 10th. Babe grew the way it did because we care about what our readers do. Some of it is serious, like the fucked-up rape culture that's touched every single person reading this in some way. Or it's about racism, or our current state of politics that make have made me ask if a real event was an Onion article or not.
But we contain multitudes, y'all. We also give a fuck about WHY HE HASN'T TEXTED ME BACK EVEN THOUGH HE WATCHED MY INSTA STORY, what the Kardashians did this week, and the slutty escapades our friends got into last weekend. This is why we hit a million Facebook followers in just a few months: the stuff we're writing is the same stuff you're putting down your group chat.
Here are our favorite stories from 2017. Read them and get ready because you have no idea what we've got in store for you next year.
We learned that you can't trust a Gemini — in any context
We place maybe toooo much emphasis on ~the stars~ but have they ever been wrong before? Except for the many, many times they've been wrong? We've used star signs to tell us what kind of fuckboys we're attracted to, what kinds of hoes we are, and what's ahead for 2018. I once even asked a girl we were interviewing for a job what her zodiac sign was — for the record, she was a Taurus and an amazing hire.
We put our tits online more than our parents would have liked
If you asked our moms how many times she wanted to see her daughter's boobs online for work, she probably would have said between zero and zero times. But did that stop us? No! Because — in case you haven't noticed — tits are an amazing way to get anything you want. Seriously! Want to find the perfect lipstick color? Nipples. Want to shoot your shot with your crush because the world is crumbling around us? Nipples. Need to access every nipple picture you've ever taken on your phone? Got you, girl.
We stood up for real girls, especially when the system failed them
You know these girls. They're your sisters, your friends. They're you. This year, we traveled to Oklahoma to talk with Lauren, a 17-year-old girl who says she was raped at a party with her high school friends, and who kept the screenshots of her messages with the guy the morning after. As one commenter put it, our story – which has now been seen by more than 150,000 readers – unearthed more information than the police investigation. We will be picking up more stories like it in the new year — just email us.
We also visited a prison in Pennsylvania to meet Sasha "Skoop" Hernandez, a 24-year-old girl incarcerated for protecting her mother. We talked to campus activists, called out the people who perpetuate rape culture, exposed shitbag men, and took the time to celebrate the funny, DGAF bitches you know in real life.
Yeah, we went THERE
You know that shit everyone’s thinking but too chicken to tweet for everyone to see? We didn’t give a fuck, and took on everyone this year. We danced on Hugh Hefner‘s grave when that dusty slug finally bit it. I can’t believe we even HAD to say it, but to any Nazis reading this: we’re so not gonna fuck you. Even if it made us unpopular (who knew not wanting to have sex with a a Nazi was a…hot take?) we didnt give a fuck. Shocking, I know!
Our videos hit 'em where it hurt
In our original scripted series Is It Just Me?, we lampooned the tooootally not-at-all insane thought process and interworking of every girl's group chat. I don't know who leaked my number, but if you bitches don't stop texting me about Ellie, I will kill off every character you've ever loved.
Guys, I think he wants to break up with me…
Posted by Babe on Monday, February 27, 2017
Emily Wilson, our new and fully hilarious video star, started a series called Man-Libs in which we expose just how clueless dudes are. And then there's this, which I would very much like to put on a personalized zip drive and send to every guy who's ever gone down on me like we was trying to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
If there was ever a case for sex ed in school, it's dude bros thinking we use 3 tampons throughout our entire period:
We tried to find out how much the average guy knows about periods…
Posted by Babe on Friday, October 20, 2017
We weren't afraid to call celebrities the fuck out
Kylie, you ripped off your whole brand from Black women — don't think no one noticed. When Taylor Swift wrote an (iconic) song about cheating on two guys in the same week, we analyzed it like it was the fucking DaVinci code. When Kim worked with that racist egg-looking ass Jeffree Star, we called her the hell out. I hated Lady Gaga's Superbowl show, sorry. Oh, and we went the hell in on Lena Dunham. Like, a lot.
We got…graphic about our sex lives
All for a good cause! You now know how to give life-changing blow-jobs, what it's like to have rape fantasies, what percent hoe you are based on a scientifically accurate quiz, and how to keep your lipstick on even if your mouth is…otherwise occupied. And the hoe content! My god, the hoe content. If you need a hoe starter guide, begin here. Then move on to level two for advanced techniques for your next dick appointment.
We trolled the shit out of you guys
I'm sorry, it's just so much fun to do. I don't actually think Taylor Swift is thicc as hell. But that's not gonna stop me from writing about it.
Raise your hand if you’ve experienced this horribly spooky dating trend
The haunting remains of a non-relationship
by Caroline Phinney
We all know dating requirement number one in 2018 is consume all of their #content. I mean, Instagram stories were practically invented so we'd have a place to post the person we're dating before tricking them into the exclusivity conversation.But being single and going on dates in your 20s is only fun until you realize…
If you’re not waking up at 5:30 am to reflect upon ‘key wins’ then you are a FUCKING FAILURE — sorry!
Melania Edwards is the woman who has it all
by Nian Hu
Are you a real-life human woman who commits fatal errors such as snoozing your alarm in the morning, scrolling aimlessly through Instagram, and falling asleep at 2 am to the sound of a Netflix documentary? Then get ready to feel like a massive failure, because Melania Edwards is "always on the move," according to a…
Don’t freak out but there’s a way to always find out if he actually likes you
Where was this three years ago????
by Amanda Ross
On my wedding day, I know I'm going to be standing at the altar and pressing my husband-to-be about if he's sure he's in love with me — which is different from loving me, you know?! And then when I'm asked if I take him to be my lawful wedded husband, I'll be asking the…