What his underwear says about him and how seriously he takes your relationship

Just like the way a guy dresses says a lot about him, his underwear of choice says a lot about what he's like in the bedroom and how seriously he takes your relationship.

And since guys never throw their underwear away — they wear them for so long, they literally disintegrate off of their body — you've probably gotten a good look at them.

Whether he's packing it in trunks or letting it all hang loose in boxers, here's what his choice of underwear says about him.

Briefs

If he's sporting full-on, swagged-out briefs, he's not looking to settle down with you any time soon.

Not because he's a player or "wants to put his work first" or anything, but because he's over the age of 20 and still considers his mom to be one of his closest friends. He's definitely not packing.

The only guys who should be wearing briefs are under the age of 6 or over the age of 60. There's something so off-putting and virginal about them that I can't quite put my finger on, but I do know 2 months after marriage he'll force you to move to suburbia with him and buy a Prius. He wants three kids: Tammy, Dolly and Matthew.

Either that, or he's a male model David Beckham wannabe — also someone you'd benefit from avoiding.

Nobody will be jealous of your relationship.

Boxer briefs

If he's wearing boxer briefs, you're not the only girl he's fucking and you probably never will be.

He's got a lot going on down there and he's wearing briefs to put a stopper to that flopper. Otherwise he'd opt for something looser and more obscuring.

He's the kind of guy who takes selfies in grey sweatpants and does laundry twice a week just to wash all the leftover jizz off his sheets.

He keeps telling you you're the "only one" he's interested in, but has a convenient excuse every time you come close to meeting one of his roommates. Until he starts opting for boxers or something else, he's still hopeful someone other than you will see his underwear.

Boxers

If he's wearing boxers, he's boring boyfriend material.

There's nothing wrong with boxers, but they conjure the image of someone who's completely given up. He doesn't make his bed when you come over, you guys never go out and he doesn't even get off to porn anymore — he just kind of whacks off and hopes something happens.

He probably wouldn't care if you texted other guys as long as you didn't bother him with the details of it, and he'd rather you finish yourself off than he have to do it for you.

He's got a sizable dong, but who fucking cares anyway? You're the only one he's stuffing it in once a week (if he's not too tired).

Trunks

Trunks offer the best assessment of what we're going to get when they come off, which means if he wears trunks (boxer briefs with shorter legs), he's got a good dick but he's not a total douche-lord about it.

You probably actually are the one one he's seeing, but you keep second guessing yourself because he seems to good for that to be true.

He's got a sweet job, a 401k and a nice, normal relationship with his mom. He remember to buy his friends birthday gifts, he knows how to cook something other than pasta and he goes to the gym every SINGLE day before work.

He's the best of both worlds, and he's even got a good ass.

Jockstrap

If he wearing a jockstrap he's either gay or homophobic because he’s secretly gay.

He's he kind of guy who wears underwear under his swimming trunks because he's afraid of his (tiny) dick popping out in front of The Boys, and he still turns around in the locker-room when he's getting dressed.

He drives a really nice car (that he bought with his dad's money), and comments things like "niiiice" and "I'd smash" on the pics of D-list celebrities he will literally never meet.

He either deals drugs or wants to date a drug dealer.

Long underwear

Guys who wear long underwear still wears Merrells and would rather go hiking than have sex with you.

He's never gotten a haircut that looked good on him, and he usually goes for girls who remind him of his sister because he hasn't spoken to another real girl in his life.

He's really into the idea of the Midwest and wants to move there eventually, even though he's never hiked anywhere other than Bear Mountain State Park in NY.

On your last date he brought you to an all you can eat barbecue smoke joint and forced you to try whiskey. You left early.

Commando

Do not fucking go anywhere with this man.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

● A guide to every fuckboy outfit you'll ever witness and inevitably fall for at some point

● I tried (and failed miserably) to sell my dirty underwear online

● This girl blacked out and her boyfriend turned her into a hiliarious meme

@carolinephinney