How to trap your man who doesn’t know he’s your man but is still your man before Valentine’s Day
You only have 6 weeks
Cuffing season is officially over, which means your current victim is already crafting a convenient excuse to leave you before The Big Day.
And who could blame them? You know you're manic but you thought your head game would make up for it. Nevertheless, 3-5 meltdowns and a half-breakup later, he's weary, you're mad and he's still not sure why you think you're dating in the first place.
if you’re bummed that you didn’t get a new years kiss just remember that valentine’s day is 43 days away and we’ll probably still be alone by then too
— jilliebean (@jillianharveyy) January 2, 2018
Niña from apartment 3R is looking better by the second. She smiles and laughs and would never sob at him over a nice pasta dinner. But the thing is, of course she would — he just doesn't know that yet.
So really, you'd be doing him a favor by locking him down once and for all. He'll thank you one day, just not today . . . or any day soon.
Let him know he has competition
There's NOTHING cockier than a guy who's convinced there are no other cocks in the ring. It's pretty warped, but I guess we're all gassed up by the game.
You've taken a break from firing off thirst-traps on Instagram because you started feeling "safe" and now he's liking someone else's, but you can still drop one while he's least expecting it. The comments from other guys will drive him up a wall and remind him of how many others are ready to take his place. Plus, engagements will be high if you haven't posted one in a while.
Stop carving out time for him
If he wants to "chat," tell him you're busy. If he suggests drinks Tuesday or Wednesday, tell him you're only free Thursday. It'll drive him mad wondering where you are the rest of the time, and because you don't owe him shit, you don't have to tell him. Or do tell him, but make it sound like a lie.
Nothing wrong with a night of R & R where he thinks you're enjoying a tall drink with an even taller guy.
Give him a show, and then disappear
If you've been seeing each other for the entirety of cuffing season now, you've probably become comfortable with one another — lounging around in sweats and fucking without showering first. And that's all fine, but it's not the kind of thing wet dreams are made of.
If you want to make sure you're still on his mind when you're not there, pull out all the stops — makeup, lingerie, life-changing head — and then ghost the ever living fuck out of him. You don't have to be mean about it, but forget to answer a few texts, tell him "It's going to be a busy month for me." Suddenly, everyone else will need to live up to you.
As the holidays come to a close, remember that now it's just winter, and you only have frostbite and another Valentine's Day alone to look forward to.
— Dammit Erin (@DammitErin) January 2, 2018
Try suggesting something other than sex
If your relationship is primarily sexual (congrats!!) he may not think you're interested in him for anything else. While that's not usually the case and most of us are just happy to be getting that Regular D, building a relationship is a necessary part of keeping someone around. Boring, I know!!
But seriously, if he thinks you're using him for sex he's either down but doesn't want to date you, or he's hurt by it and wants to find someone who wants to talk to him, too.
Don't reply to his one-word texts
Even if he doesn't seem as 100 percent interested in you as he used to, it could be because you're making yourself too available to him, and not just with your time. If you reply to his one-word texts, or keep sending him nudes when he's not sending you any at all, he probably thinks you're down to stick around either way.
By only responding to him when he asks you something or suggests you talk on the phone or in person, not only will the conversation be more interesting to him, but you will be also.
Call him out on his bullshit excuses
If he keeps saying things like "I want to tell people but I'm not ready yet," or "my mom is in town but not long enough for you to meet her," tell him you think he's being shitty.
If he's unsure about where you think this relationship is going, he's going to hold out as well. he may not even be saying these things to be shitty, he may just be protecting himself. But he's probably still shitty for another reason or whatever. He's not totally off the hook.
Suggest ending things
I know this one sounds risky, but it's actually the only sure-fire way.
Guys literally have no idea what they have until it's gone (cough, cough, Justin) and while everything else I've suggested will make him jealous, there's no guarantee it'll work. You know what they say: If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours.
Plus, guys can't stand being the one broken up with — must be an ego thing. By the time V-Day rolls around, he'll know he needs a grand gesture to bring you back and he'll end up working twice as hard as he ever did. Or at least as hard.
Drop the L bomb now
Some would say if you start worrying about Valentine's Day immediately after New Year's, you're doing too much, but some would also be wrong.
If you're already thinking about it, you've probably also thought about other things, like how absolutely fucking terrified you are to tell them you love them . . . or, you know, something like that.
But if you don't do it now, you may never get the chance to. Sure it's a wild card, but they probably fell for your wild side in the first place. Where is she?