We asked babe readers to tell us about their high schools’ biggest scandals, and I wonder how some of us made it out alive

Whether you were a popular pom-pom prom queen or a plain Jane who ate lunch in the library, everyone was brought together by that last-minute assembly in the auditorium where the principal revealed it all: the sex tape, a mysterious mad pooper, or some other weird shit tainting the the board of education's reputation.

No matter your year or social status, everyone was digging the gossip and getting all the deets on who was drawing hearts with her monthly on the bathroom walls. And then the male janitors were forced to clean up after that dutty gal. I thought nothing would top my own high school horror, but we asked babe readers about their high school scandals and my editor and I have been sipping hot tea all morning from these responses.

Babe reader Rebecca recalled her middle school incident with the school's guidance counselor. "The counselor’s emails to a second grade student’s married mother explained how his 'fire hose was going to explode' and how his 'cock was dancing in his pants [so he had to] kick 8th grade girls out of his office.'" She revealed the emails were found on his work server and released in the mother's divorce case and everyone at the school, who already hated him, read everythang.

And that's not even the juiciest story. Because it's so scandalous, all names have been changed to protect the not-quite-so innocent.

'My favorite teacher was arrested for murder'

Lindsey revealed to Babe that her old school was employing a butcher — like true American Horror Story-style. "He had killed his wife, chopped her up and threw her in one of the lakes nearby." She said no one expected it since he had so many cute puppies. Go figure.

'There would always be poop in one of the hallways'

Heather, a babe reader, shared how she would walk into a literal shit-storm everyday toward the end of her senior year. "Once, it was even drenched in pee," she said. "We never found out who it was. I always thought mystery poopers was a TV thing, but ours was real!"

'Our teacher was a pedophile'

Babe reader Dana started her high school scandal story with two words: glory hole. "A male teacher at my HS made a hole in a panel by the wood shop and would convince guys he was a female student so they’d come back there and “participate."

'We once had a video going round school of a girl fucking her black Labrador'

Ok. What. The. Actual. Fuck. I can't even begin to understand the fuckery going on with kids these days, but babe reader Taylor cleared things up for us. "Apparently it was a girl in the school nearby, but it was a trend starting to go around mine too…."

'Our drama teacher fucked another teacher's husband'

Anne shared her high school scandal that ended in a serious clapback. "The teacher got her back by getting her son (who was a student) to file a sexual assault claim against her." Damn, lady. How can you get your kid to participate in your own bafoonery? Maybe I will decide to have a child after all.

'A girl was having an affair with a married teacher'

"He was everyone’s favorite teacher and he even wrote my letter of recommendation for college," babe reader, Kelly told us. The students nor the school had any real evidence to prove it, until Kelly saw it splatterd across Channel 7. "He got arrested for it. She was still under 18, so he’s now a registered sex offender."

People plotted their hookups

Libby, shared with us how even Snapchat's location stories got her classmates all hot and horny. "People from our school posted stories of themselves having sex in the classroom." I'm all for sex tapes, but do you really have to let everyone and their mama know about it?

And here's mine!

I still remember when the New York Post covered a story on my pre-algebra teacher who went to Supreme Court for selling some chick's nudes…and then he extorted her for 16K for "sexual favors". Yuck! You're 66, man. Oh, and he was married, too. Til death, right?

Nudes, private poopers and sex tapes will probably never be a thing of the past and I'll have a shitload of stories to tell my grand kids when they decide to act up.

@aribines