Trust me on this: Teasing his balls will get YOU a better orgasm
Because really it’s always about you
by Ari Bines
I don't know about you, but when I've just gotten off of my period — like right now actually! — I'm in the mood to cum and conquer some good dick. Unbeknownst to me, being a fuckgirl with a decent hoe-tation in play is all fun and games until you're requested to do the real dirty work—tending to that sack.
Yes lawd it feels awesome
— LaShun The One (@LashunOne) December 27, 2017
Getting over the fact that they're hairy, sticky and that they might smell can actually be the key factor to getting your own rocks off and receiving the best head of your natural born sex life. There are levels to this shit, and you have to be (mentally) ready for the task at hand.
LICK dem shits, don't suck'em! It's like some yall be tryna dislocate a nut 😵
— Blaq_Reploid (@Blaq_Reploid) December 27, 2017
Refrain from turning away at the sight of those furbies, and he won't say shit about your bush
Even though it's just a dick appointment, he'll still take it personally (like a lot of guys do) and feel inadequate if you don't fake interest in them. Think of all the times he wanted you to watch you suck it while your knees were bruised from rug burn. All the while, he's truly convinced himself you're actually enjoying that shit and he'll be better at eating through your bush because you were "such a good sport." You're doing great, sweetie! You'll be getting a great return on that awful investment.
Don't turn his balls blue
A lot of guys only think that they can handle a good ball-sucking without realizing the risk they're taking. If you're like me, you're probably ready for this dude to just fucking cum already, and you find yourself nearly pulling those balls out of their cacoon altogether. A girl that takes her time caressing and caring for a sack of balls is most likely to get you great head, a daggering dick, and if you do a really good job, he may even rim you for a bit. If you're like, into that.
Ladies sucking balls is equivalent to getting your ass ate. Hold him responsible😂 https://t.co/Mab67n5A84
— $imone. (@MadeInn_Chinaa) January 3, 2018
You may not even really need to suck them
Sometimes, you don't even have to put your mouth anywhere near them, but you have to address their existence. Sex is a game of tug-o-war and if you tug his sack just right, you might even get to experience a real orgasm. And if the idea of playing with balls still grosses you out, pretend as if they were those glittery, wiggly water tubes you played with as a kid in the 90s.
Some of us enjoy giving head, but most of us are selfish cunts who only give head to get head. And if you can't finagle those balls right, you may find yourself receiving the same level of weak ass pussy-eating you got from last weekend's drunk-night stand.
I said what I said, clothed sex is actually the BEST sex
You heard it here first, folks!
by Ari Bines
It's pretty obvious that sex doesn't require a lot of work unless you're on top, but because I'm a lazy fuck, therefore my preferential sex position has everything to do with minimal movement (sorry, but sweat is gross). So I'm enlisting a new sex category and dare you all to keep your clothes on for…
Do y’all really want to fuck Venom from ‘Venom’ or am I just having some kind of fever dream?
You guys are gross!
by Katie Way
Okay, babe is about as sex-positive as it gets (we wrote an entire story about girls getting nutted on) but sometimes, shit goes too far. And I feel qualified to say that when it comes to the internet's lust for Tom Hardy's character in the upcoming Marvel movie Venom — no, not for Tom Hardy,…
Every sign your weak ass is falling in love with a fuckboy
I meeeaaaan if you’re a masochist, gah head
by Ari Bines
Fuckboys, like so much human swine flu, are a deadly virus intent on …infecting women around the world. We have yet to find a cure, but actually developing real feelings for one can hasten death. If you have any fraction of respect for yourself, you'll go through this list to expose yourself to the signs…