Let me say right off the bat that babe is a distinctly pro-selfie publication, and if you're reading this then I know you're also on the right side of history. There's a front-facing camera for a reason, am I right?
But as anyone well-versed in the art of the selfie knows, there are a ton of different genres meant for a ton of different scenarios. So allow me to break down what precisely your go-to selfie reveals about you, both on and off social media. Drag me if I'm wrong… but you know I'm not.
The self-care selfie
We get it bitch, you own candles and really fuck with incense! You've been following Glossier on Instagram longer than any of us, your skincare routine has at least 8 steps and you always smell amazing even when I'm just looking at you through the phone. Must be nice to be clean!
The Snapchat filter selfie
You could not fucking care less if someone calls you "basic" because you know it's not only a term designed to dissuade women from liking the things they like, it's also true — and you don't give a shit. You've been posing like this since your mom got a MacBook with Photobooth on it in 2007, and you're not gonna stop any time soon.
The natural lighting selfie
You're that bitch who posts a ton of pictures of clouds and actually cares about what her grid looks like, even though you'd rather die than admit it. You were really into Tumblr in high school, you still only wear all black and you've got a Depop account that you don't check often enough to actually sell anything.
The 'with the girls' selfie
You would dump a guy in a heartbeat if the group chat didn't approve of him, and you're sporting at least one matching piercing/tattoo with one or more of your besties. You still love taking shots, you never repeat outfits and you went through a juice cleanse phase that you don't like to talk about.
The 'it's a joke but it's still a selfie' selfie
You! Love! Yelling! You don't give a fuck about other peoples' comfort zones, act like you're on Tinder as "a joke" (is all that Tinder dick you're catching a joke too?) and there's no part of your existence you'll shy away from documenting — think "toilet selfies." Your Finsta features straight-up nudity, and you wouldn't have it any other way.
The self-timer selfie
You think we can't tell that this is a selfie, but we totally can. You love self-deprecating jokes, but they're less funny than they could be because you're obviously gorgeous, and you really, really don't know when to stop making them. Just give up the ruse and post a blatant thirst trap and you'll get even more of the attention you low-key crave.
The couple selfie
People literally cannot wait until you break up, but don't let the haters stop you from posting 10 pictures in a row of you and your boo straight-up Frenching. They're just jealous (and grossed out)!
The drunk night out selfie
You didn't even bother making a New Year's Resolution this year because you know you're never gonna change. When you show up to the function, a bunch of people run up and hug you because they wanna be adjacent to the incoming storm that is your fucked-up party presence. The best part about your drunk selfie habit is it helps you figure out where the fuck you were last night.
The thirst trap selfie
You own actual lingerie, not just lacy 5-for-$28 thongs, you have like 3 kinda-boyfriends at any given moment but none of them know about each other. You spend at least an hour a week watching makeup tutorials on Instagram, and you still haven't realized that nobody cares about the IG stories you post where you're singing or working out. We're just in it for the cleavage.
The vacation selfie
You've got seven emojis in any given bio you write, and at least one of them is an airplane. You think everyone should go backpacking in Europe for three months after they graduate, you own an inexplicable number of bathing suits and if Yelp ever shut down it'd be over for you.
The mirror pic selfie
You reply "going" to Facebook events you have no intention of attending so they'll pop up strategically on the newsfeed for other people to see, and people often hit you up about where to find drugs, which would be offensive if it wasn't also kind of flattering? You've got a good eye for cool bathrooms and poses that elongate your body.
The on-the-go selfie
You love complaining, but your friends don't really mind because you're good at wrapping people up in the narrative of your life. You're confident enough to openly take a picture of yourself in public and try to look good doing it. You're probably really active on Twitter.
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