This is what kind of fuckboy he is based on his taste in music


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This is what kind of fuckboy he is based on his taste in music

Country guys love SantaCon

I cannot stress this enough: there is nothing that'll tell you more about a man than what kind of music he listens to when he's alone. And the only reason you haven't come to this realization yourself is because you're in denial — you spotted Kenny Chesney on his "recently listened to." [Editor's note: Kenny Chesney is an American icon and poet, and this writer's opinion does not reflect that of babe].

Here's what kind of fuckboy you're dealing with based on his taste in music, and if he's "not into music" he's probably a psychopath:


If he listens to rap he's the kind of guy who says "No homo" after sentences that have literally nothing to do with gay sex: "Can I copy your homework? No homo!" "Wanna ball later? No homo!" "Yo, let's jerk each other off in the shower, no homo!"

He only dates girls who wear leggings, he once yelled at you for placing your bag on top of his Gucci bag, and his idea of a good night involves popping a molly before heading to the local bar to play darts.

He's been hosting parties at his house since he was 16, but called his mom a bitch last time she suggested he and his friends go somewhere else for the evening. He doesn't stop to pet dogs.

Indie rock

If he listens to indie rock, he's the kind of grown ass man who thinks it's endearing to give a longterm girlfriend a mix CD as a gift, even though he grew up in suburbia and could easily nick enough money from his mom's wallet to buy something nice. Actually, he could just ask her.

When he turned 16, his dad gave him a car for free but he acts like it's a burden to drive because it's an '06 model and his sister got an '08. His hero growing up was Jesse Lacey, but when he found out he'd been accused of sexual abuse he made a big show of denouncing Brand New online but left the posters on his wall and Deja in his favorite playlist.

When he matches with a girl on Tinder, he asks her if she wants to "Smoke and chill?" then mutters "bitch" under his breath when she suggests drinks in a public location instead. Last year he got a hoop earring but took it out when his cousin told him it looked gay.


If he listens to EMD, he's the kind of guy who still purchases handles of vodka in bulk like we did in freshman year as if he might run out despite the fact he's over the age of 21 and has an ID that scans.

He owns more sunglasses than shirts, thinks drinking protein shakes still works even if you don't go to the gym, and spends way too much time arguing with female musicians on Twitter. He tells his mom he "does his own laundry" but brings home a massive bag every holiday, and is more likely to order a smoothie from a café than a coffee.

He prefers hoodies to crew necks, considers a drawstring bag a backpack and would rather vacation in Florida than Europe. The phone charger in his car is taped on so you won't steal it.


If he says he's into Jazz he's the kind of guy who orders a scotch on a date and then sips your wine when you're in the bathroom. And by "I love jazz" he means he loves the La La Land soundtrack.

He's a self-proclaimed "feminist" — seriously, he tells everyone — but when his friends started unearthing and re-tweeting sexists tweets from his past, he went back on his timeline and deleted nearly 350 of his own tweets in one go.

He makes jokes about the fact you enjoy brunch and swiftly shuts down anyone who suggests a club on a night out, even though he thinks vaping is fun. Last time he took a girl out to dinner, he blocked her on Tinder after because she didn't suggest splitting the bill. He still kissed her before parting, though, because he couldn't say it to her face.


If he listens to country, he preps for SantaCon at least three months in advance, is obsessed with drones and calls his truck "she."

He's called you as his hippie"friend ever since you cut your hair shorter than your midriff, he once took you to the woods to make out with you and he'd absolutely order a Coors Light before ordering an IPA at a bar.

Whenever you're out with him, he pretends like you're his girlfriend in front of his friends and then gets mad when you pretend like you're not (you're not). His parents still pay his rent even though he's constantly bragging on Facebook about how well he's doing, and he'll literally never have a single college loan. Did I mention he still posts statuses on Facebook? He thinks a sports bar is an appropriate location for a date.


If he listens to hip-hop, he thinks it's okay to slide into a stranger's Instagram DMs to tell her she's hotter than his last girlfriend.

He's never been to a concert that wasn't a 20,000 person venue, he refuses to refer to anywhere other than Manhattan as "the city" and he orders all of his red meat extremely, extremely red. He enjoys going to zoos and looking at animals in cages, still uses "virgin" as an insult and thinks it's cool that Chris Brown owns a monkey.

He once got really mad and punched a hole through someone else's door at a frat party before flipping off the DJ and smashing his plastic cup on the ground. He has a tattoo of his family crest, but got it on his back because he's "still thinking about" what he wants on his arm. He's really into JUUL-ing.


If he listens to folk he's the kind of guy who went to Firefly once and came back a "changed man."

He loves to talk about his friends' experiences on psychedelics, his favorite party conversation starter is "What's the hardest you've ever blacked out?" and he stills wears graphic t-shirts on first dates. If he could be granted one wish, it would be to own a golf cart he can drive absolutely anywhere.

He studied acting in school but isn't into cities, so he's decided to pursue his "craft," elsewhere even though there are literally no sustainable jobs in any other location. He has two Bob Dylan posters in his room and at least five vinyls handing on hit wall, but he wouldn't know how to play one if you asked. He thinks turning a guitar constitutes playing one, and is really into girls who "hoop."

Alternative rock

If he's into alternative rock, he claims Radiohead as the "best band on Earth" even though he's only ever listened to OK Computer, and he once threatened to hurt himself when his girlfriend tried to break up with him.

He Tweets a lot about how boys should be allowed to be emotional too, even though he once made you cry after referring to your opinion status as "fake news," and he claims he only has an Instagram to be ironic even though he requests you to tag him in photos whenever you forget to.

He's really into standup comedy and thinks he's being progressive by making self-deprecating jokes about white men on stage even though he stole that bit from a female comedian's set, and he once said you "might be an alcoholic" when you suggest meeting for drinks instead of coffee on a Sunday. His primary source of income is open-mic night at the Student Union of a college he doesn't attend.

Show tunes

He's (probably) gay.