A girl’s guide to non-awkward face-sitting

After doing all the other weird shit in my sex life, I've decide to keep it simple and stick to the one sex act that does wonders to my orgasm: face-sitting.

Most girls I know will just let their partner eat 'em up the old-fashioned way: spread eagle while they have at it downtown. But I think that women will find face-sitting a much better alternative.

A lot of the times that I've discussed the topic of face-sitting with my friends, they've found it to be uncomfortable and weird. But I'm here to reassure you that it's not an awkward act of sex. In fact, if you're not face-sitting on your partner, then what the hell kind of disappointing sex life are you rocking with, anyway?

You're in control.

When, in fact, he or she decides "it's your turn" to get some action, readily put the offer to face-sit on the table, so that you're the one in control of your own sensation, since they clearly haven't been doing their job right. Women always have to come in and save the day—especially for themselves. Let them do most of the work, but if you're on their face, you're the one to decide when to let up.

You'll be closer to your partner.

If you can't be open about the things you enjoy and want during sex (pretty sure oral is one of them), then you're not going to get it. It's always the weird shit that allows you to spice things up in the bedroom, so take a chance on something different. Face-sitting is a super intimate act, but doing so can push your relationship forward when you're open and honest with them. The only person making it awkward is you. So get it, girl!

If she prefers to stick to simple scissoring…

For starters, not giving head to anyone is weak as fuck, so why are you even having sex in the first place? Second, that's cool and all, but if that's the only way you two are going to get your rocks off, the relationship can go south of nowhere fast, and you'll want to slip into some other chick's couscous. Face-sitting may be a little strange your first time, but keep in mind that you need to switch things up now and again if you want to keep the fucking fun and fresh. Also, remind yourself that she can't see your face, so if she's busy munching about, let her, hoe!

If he (always) cums before you do…

There is nothing to feel awkward about if you're tired of pumping his iron, just to receive a weak-as-hell and very short session of carpet munching. It should empower you to sit on his face when you've only had about a handful of climaxes — none of those being from him, by the way. Don't feel weird about proudly getting what you deserve. Get yours, bitch!

@aribines