Every single thought you have when your period is exactly one day and 13 hours late
‘Guess I need to start planning my pregnancy shoot’
by Una Dabiero
There's nothing scarier than living an entire day you were supposed to be bleeding out of one of your assorted holes completely normally, going to bed hoping to wake up covered in your own uterus walls, then realizing at 6 am before a full day of work that your period is fucking late.
I'm like, 8000 percent sure being late on your period by literally just one day induces a stress greater than the stress endured by most emergency room doctors. Your mind starts racing trying to figure out where tf you went wrong with your birth control or HOW you're going to support a baby with a Sephora addiction, no knowledge of vegetables to speak of, and a lack of sugar daddy prospects.
Here's every thought you've had while you're literally a day late on your period.
'Ok, ok, ok, I like really need to do the math on the last time I had sex'
I’m one day late on my period. I’m never late. Also, before y’all jump into conclusions, I can’t be pregnant because between the last time I did the nasty and now i’ve had my period for 2 times already
— marieke (@selrianaoutsold) January 1, 2018
'God definitely put Jesus in me'
In 5th grade my period was a day late so I brought my mom into my room while crying to reveal that I was the next Virgin Mary.
— pax ho EMinibus (@em_elyg) December 13, 2017
When ur period is one day late and you're trying to figure out if ur the next Virgin Mary. pic.twitter.com/Z7jhYazzu3
— Ori Miller (@0rimiller) December 2, 2017
'Howwww can I explain this? You know, other than P R E G N A N C Y?'
Um im one day late on my period lets just pray its due to stress or cycle change
— CrownedQueen🤗💕 (@JusMiikaa) December 31, 2017
'There's literally zero way this is my fault'
me: takes my birth control at random hours of the day, sometimes skipping days at a time, switching between brands and skipping sugar pill weeks
also me when my period is late: pic.twitter.com/Fam42x9E40
— Anika Czander (@anikaczander) December 13, 2017
'NOPE I'M FUCKING PREGNANT MY FAMILY IS GOING TO FUCKING DISOWN ME OH MY FUCKING GOD'
*period is late by one day*
me, who has never had sex: oh my god holy fuck im pregnant ojh my god how is my family gonna react oh my god oH MY GOD im pregnant holy shit no this cant be happening
— mkiri is tired ☕ (@chocolateyoda) January 5, 2018
'I AM GOING TO BE LIVING IN THE STREETS AS A FAT, PREGNANT LADY'
*Period is one day late*
Me: This is it. This is the end. I'm gonna have to drop out of school. My parents are gonna disown me. I'm screwed. I'm gonna have to live on the street.
— Sondra P. (@Sooooondra) January 11, 2018
'But wait, where will THE BABY LIVE? In my stoner boyfriend's discarded drum set?!'
My period be one day late and I already start contemplating life and what I’m gonna do with the baby
— Ur fav Pisces (@Yourebasicbye) January 4, 2018
'It's time to Google that shit'
When my period is one day late pic.twitter.com/bnBqTKGBj8
— Stoleyourmandia (@BiancsPicasso) January 16, 2018
'Maybe I should take my first bump pic? Maybe I should buy a baby book now?'
I take pictures after my period is one day late.
— 👑Keish👑 (@Keishish) December 30, 2017
'Guess I need to start planning my pregnancy shoot'
Me whenever I’m one day late for my period pic.twitter.com/2i69TZkzgd
— Beki (@beki_tafani) December 27, 2017
'Ok, so like, fuck this. Where's the closest Planned Parenthood?'
Lasses get so paranoid when their period is late.
If I'm 1 day late I'm considering a trip to the abortion clinic
— lucy (@asdfghjkLUCY_) January 4, 2018
'But how will I afford my abortion??? GoFundMe?'
My birth control consistently makes me 10 days late for my period, but without fail, on the 6th day, I’m over here looking at my finances to budget for an abortion. 🙃
— Molly Rose (@DemocraticMolly) December 23, 2017
'Ok, so like, how can I take care of this naturally?'
me when i see people posting pics of their newborn babies: omg so cute i want one immediately
me anytime my period is one day late: *googles natural ways to induce a miscarriage*
— dulce commie mami (@queenoftherodeo) December 31, 2017
'Actually, I think I would rather just die'
if my period even a day late i be wanting to off myself
— sidney scott (@SidneyNicole_) December 31, 2017
'It's all over. Time to will my Apple Watch to my beloved first-cousin'
Me a day late on my period: THIS IS IT. MY LIFE. ITS OVER
— maaria🍒 (@puppywesg) December 10, 2017
And then you have palpitations and die. The end!
Introducing the Hair Straightener Tongue Challenge…I think….
Tracing its origins
by Harry Shukman
Hard to explain what makes anyone willingly put themselves through extreme pain for clout (this guy who shocked his dick off by thumbing it into an electrical socket, for instance), and yet here we are with a new trend tentatively named the Hair Straightener Tongue Challenge.Like the other 18 million people who have seen this…
Why did Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson break up? An investigation
Let’s be real, this relationship was never going to work out
by Nian Hu
So Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson broke up this weekend, surprising absolutely nobody. Who would've thought that a whirlwind five-month-long PDA-fueled relationship between an unfunny butthole-eyed corpse-looking dude and a world-famous pop star who was WAY out of his league could've possibly worked out? The question was never if they would break up, but when.The…
Your weekly horoscope is here, and you have to start thinking about yourself
When did you last take some me time?
by Codi Cheyenne
Coming at you live with some compassionate, authentic realness. Last week was a trip, stirring up the old and bringing about much needed change. You may have been challenged, making you question yourself and how you interact with the world. When that happens, we need some guidance on how find our footing again, so here…