How did every single school have a horse girl?
You know exactly who I’m talking about
by Una Dabiero
Even in a nation that seemingly becomes more and more divided every day, there are commonalities we all share. We have all watched a football game, we all have an opinion on Kim Kardashian and we all knew a horse girl growing up.
I'm not really sure how this happened, but every single person I've ever talked to had a horse girl in their classes, whether they grew up in the middle of rural Texas or downtown Detroit. I don't know where you'd keep a horse in the middle of Detroit, but I assure you it's (apparently) possible. What I'm trying to say is, knowing a horse girl is basically as all-Americana as buying Heinz Ketchup at Wal-Mart.
Every elementary school had a ‘horse girl’
— lace (@darrlaci) January 18, 2018
You know exactly who I'm talking about when I say "horse girl," too. Let me paint you a picture: She wore riding pants to school with tall-ass brown boots and sometimes even a riding coat with bright gold buttons. Her middle name is probably something like Emily or Gabby. She had folders covered in real horse photos and probably carried around a stuffed horse at all times. She had horse keychains and horse jewelry and once when you were dragged to her birthday party by your mom, you went in her bathroom and saw she used Mane n' Tail shampoo.
This girl was dedicated, and like anyone who liked anything in Middle School other than sucking the popular guys face off on the bus, she was made fun of for it pretty hardcore. But unlike the shy kids or the kids with glasses or the kids with braces, she was actually pretty weird.
The girl next to me just neighed like a horse what in the
— Albert Aickareth (@albertaick) January 18, 2018
And so 12-year-old you, with underdeveloped empathy, avoided her like the fucking plague. You couldn't get tangled up in her teacher's pet bullshit! It would ruin your clout.
If someone said “present” instead of “here” during attendance, there is a 150% chance they were a horse girl
— Dr Grayfang (@DrGrayfang) January 15, 2018
But it built her — being the "horse girl" became her brand. Because, you see, horse girls are still horse girls, even if they've kinda acclimated with civil society. If you're trying to understand what I mean by this, understand that Jennifer Lawrence is a horse girl. Get it now?
you ever meet someone and know instinctively she was a horse girl in elementary school
— Dank Memes (@DailyMemesPlug) January 10, 2018
Honestly, I kinda wish I'd been a horse girl instead of just your run-of-the-mill loser who never had a Middle School boyfriend. At least then I would've been memorable. I still remember my Elementary School horse girl, and I'm sure you do too. Fiona, if you're reading this, slide in my DMs. Much love.