Does anyone else feel like Kylie Jenner has been pregnant for 100 years?
What’s! Under! That! Blanket!
by Katie Way
Apparently, the rumors about Kylie Jenner's pregnancy began circulating in September 2017. But honestly, I have a very hard time believing that to be true, because it feels like Kylie Jenner has been "pregnant" since birth — my birth, two and a half years before Kylie was born.
I guess it's just a side effect of being in this line of work (Internet Bitch, remember?), but I feel like I've been hearing about Kylie Jenner's still unconfirmed pregnancy nonstop.
I hate to say it, but the Internet has utterly failed me by not having one single picture of a pregnant Kylie Jenner. You guys leaked Hillary’s emails, hacked Yahoo like ten times, but nobody has a photo of one of the most famous people on earth in the last 8 months? Pathetic.
— Erica Rogers (@ericarog) January 20, 2018
It haunts my subconscious. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and Travis Scott was sitting at the edge of my bed, mumbling about how he should have pulled out. When I sat up, he vanished in a puff of smoke.
Okay. No. But I really do struggle to recall a time when she wasn't playing this international game of peekaboo in the same way I struggle to recall literally anything about my high school prom — I know I used to know, but now I don't know, you know?
*slams Art History gavel* We are dissecting Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy in the same way art historians dissected whether or not Giovanna Cenami is pregnant in the Arnolfini Portrait. pic.twitter.com/IbFc85QxFU
— Elise Bell™️ (@eliseybell) January 22, 2018
And frankly, I'm beginning to wonder when the fuck it's all going to end — or if it ever will. After Kylie started wearing a bunch of loose clothes or some shit like that, a bunch of publications (us included, duh) began reporting pregnancy rumors and alleged Kardashian reactions without any official comment from Jenner or her family.
the year? 2026. there are few survivors left. Kylie Jenner has still yet to announce her pregnancy. she enters public always carrying a sack, roughly the size of an 8 year old. in the distance, sirens.
— Tim Lyzen (@TLyzen) January 22, 2018
Some unkind anonymous source told Page Six she'd been "looking pregnant for about four months" in September. That means she probably got pregnant in May or June.
And now, eight months, a bunch of conspiracy theories, breakup rumors, all-but-confirmed confirmations and coy photoshoots later, the truth is that we still aren't 100 percent sure she's even having a baby.
— DANIELLE J (@oh_um_hey) January 22, 2018
It's just mind-blowing and confusing and weirdly frustrating that this family who's made a point of making their lives as public as possible for the last decade won't just fucking tell us. What the fuck else have I been Keeping Up for?
In the space of time Kylie Jenner's been dodging baby rumors, she's also launched a lot of new stuff from her cosmetics line, appeared on a magazine cover and gotten to touch a lot of nice-looking blankets. I probably couldn't have done any of that shit if I was pregnant. I mean, I can't even do that now.
Our grandkids will ask us what we were doing in our time and we are gona have to say we were trying to figure out if Kylie Jenner is pregnant and that we thought she was Kim's surrogate, or that maybe Khloe was faking and passed Kylie's kid as her own, not that we were in a war pic.twitter.com/Lc7kxD2Y2x
— Thembz (@Thembeka__) January 22, 2018
But she's gotta be having a baby, right? The only thing crazier than this train of coverage ending with the birth of an actual human being is if it ended without one. Imagine Kris going on The View and being like, "Oh, sorry, Kylie was just really tired for nine months." That can't be how this story ends.
I just want to know. I want to know so much that I feel guilty about how much I want to know. Just show Snapchat the ultrasound already, King Kylie! Your loyal subjects are w a i t i n g.