Vogue just released a list of 2018 trends and they’re all so ugly and unflattering, I’m ready to die
Cargo Pants are en vogue, time to kill myself
Ok, fashion has been really good recently: Think of all the 60's, 70's and 90's trends we've been fucking with over the last few years. I thought we would have a little while longer to wear the hottest clothes from the golden eras of fashion, but sadly all good things must come to an end.
According to Vogue's analysis of the pre-fall fashion shows, a lot of awful trends from the 2000s are coming back to fucking haunt us. The writer herself calls some of them "unsexy" and "practical" instead of like "edgy" or "hot" or "cool" or "colorful" or any positive adjectives. Here's some horrible trends that are coming back in 2018. Honestly, just slit my throat now.
Remember in middle school when everyone would wear ruched, two-toned dresses to school dances and act like they were fucking Naomi Campbell? Well apparently these horrible things are coming back in fashion. Cue the black-and-white flashbacks to braces and my crush refusing to ask me to dance when "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain came on the cafetorium loudspeaker.
Vogue compares smock dresses to tents. And honestly, nothing has been more accurate. This is a curse on big-tittied girls everywhere. Guess it's time I get used to looking like an elephant while pretending I'm trendy.
About two days ago, Cargo Pants were literally a meme. But now, they're apparently making an appearance on runways because life is a cruel joke. I almost feel bad for the white guys who threw these away when Twitter roasted them because now they're going to need to buy more. Then again, they make more money than the rest of us, so…
It's time to call your aunt who has an entire Ed Hardy tiger-themed wardrobe because Vogue says animal motifs are back. Apparently, the new thing in 2018 is slapping a dragon on shit and calling it trendy.
In 2008, literally nothing was hotter than wearing a long tank top and a short-sleeved cardigan with a big ole belt wrapped around them. A big belt with a big buckle that was blinged out. Pair that outfit with a statement necklace and it was lit. Statement belts are back and I guess that's cute if it's like a Gucci belt or something. But I am not prepared to wear my knock-off, fake leather Mossimo belts and try to act like it's high fashion and not a repeat of what I wore when I was 12. Looks like I have a new insecurity to drink about.
Give Up Now: Experts indicate 2019 will be the worst year yet for the worst reason yet
God hath forsaken us
by Amanda Ross
I wish I had good news for you. I wish I could look you in the eye through the webcam malware I definitely didn't install on your computer when you clicked on this and tell you everything's going to be just fine. But that would be a lie. No, I'm so sorry but 2019 is…
So we all just missed Paris Hilton dressing up as a SEXY FURBY, huh?
She did the impossible and made Furbies sexy
by Nian Hu
The early 2000s are making a comeback, y'all, and you know what that means! Get out your tube tops, velour tracksuits, and denim skirts — it's time for a blast from the past.And if you're ready to feel REALLY old, then let me call your attention to the Furby. Yes, the one and only Furby!…
This 500-year-old skeleton will win next season’s Drag Race
And I’m NOT talking about your mom
by Amanda Ross
My mind is racing with all the bad jokes I can make right now! Currently, I'm torn between: Slay while you get slayed (slain, I guess?) and Madonna looks amazing here. Archeologists unearthed a 500-year-old skeleton wearing thigh-high leather boots! Work bitch!Other outlets less reputable than babe dot net have been quick to call the…