2017 - 2024 Tab Media looks •
Why stop at sunglasses? Fuck it, let’s just make everything small
All small, all the time, baby!
by Katie Way
Yeezy said, in an email to Ms. Kardashian West, "let there be tiny-ass sunglasses," and there were tiny-ass sunglasses on every proto-It Girl on your Instagram feed.
And honestly? I fucking like them. As far as trends go, they're cool and weird — the eye accessory of a person with a sense of humor, style, and a devil-may-care attitude about sun protection.
In fact, I like them so much that I have a proposition: let's just make all of our accessories small as fuck.
Small versions of normal-sized things are inherently adorable. Babies, free samples at grocery stores, dog sweaters — all cute as hell.
Into the Gloss already, declared that 2018 is the year of the small handbag, so why not take it a step further? I want a a paper-thin wallet and a minimalist key ring to throw in my teeny tiny bag that I keep leaving at clubs because I can't tell when I drop it. I want a phone that's too small for my fingers! Black Mirror, make it happen!
I'm still lusting after the Motorola Razr I never got…
Remember those teeny tiny notebooks that you'd put on your backpack? I need one to store all my small-ass thoughts, like Should I go blonde? and I am prettier than Demi Lovato.
Also, can we bring back mini hand-sanitizers? It's a dirty fucking world out here, and I'm trying to be my most antibacterial self in 2018.
While we're at it, why not go on a small jewelry kick too? We're already on that small hoop earring shit, so I say we take it a few steps further –anyone know where I can buy a bracelet with charms so small they can only be fully appreciated with a magnifying glass? Chains and rings barely thicker than a strand of hair, handcrafted under a full moon and blessed by a fairy? Etsy, right?
I'm done with full-sized mascara and lipstick tubes that are longer than my thumb. This year, I won't even look at an eyeshadow palette bigger than the palm of my hand. Birchbox samples only!
And you know what? If you bitches are still eating full-sized burgers, you better hop on the slider train ASAP, because it is leaving the fucking station at light-speed and never looping back!
On a practical level, it all just makes sense. My apartment is tiny, my attention span is short, and I have like $60 in my checking account. Now's the time to downsize.