Forget glowing-up now, I’m convinced we won’t be hot ’til our 30s
By then, I’ll have time AND money to be hot
by Una Dabiero
I'm in my early 20s and it feels like everyone is telling me my physical prime is close to over — if it's not over already. Allegedly, we're really sexy in our late teens and early 20s, and then our hotness becomes harder and harder to hold onto. We gain weight we can't take off, our skin starts to sag and wrinkle, and we get bogged down by responsibilities that make it more and more difficult to prioritize our self-care. But despite what the world is telling me, I am a million percent sure I will be hotter in my 30s than I am now. Here's my theory.
So first off, I think a lot of the side-effects of getting old that make us "less hot" are kinda ageist bullshit. I genuinely don't think that wrinkles or sunspots or saggy tits make someone unattractive. Think of all the MILFs in your life who fuck with Snapchat more than you do despite having eye wrinkles and thin skin. Just saying.
Even if you don't agree with me and my PC garbage, I'm not super worried about gray hair or saggy skin in my 30s. I was worried about a lack of fitness in my 30s. But then I realized getting fit is going to get way easier once I hit that sweet spot.
Hear me out: Everyone is poor in their 20s. We just started our careers and we're barely scraping by with our entry-level salaries. Most of us are eating pizza routinely and going to $10 gyms that will GIVE us free pizza routinely (S/O: Planet Fitness.) On top of that, if we do happen to have some extra cash, we're still irresponsible enough to be spending it on Glossier or music festival tickets rather than making a habit of buying healthy foods or fitness classes.
Friend: hey you wanna go out to eat?
Me having gone out 3x this week: yeah I’ll go!!
My bank account: pic.twitter.com/GTlZnkpSpJ
— Snow Black Cindy (@Ebony_QT) January 28, 2018
Not only do we lack the cash to be fit, a lot of us lack the time. We are juggling casual dating, climbing the career ladder, constantly changing living situations, and 22-year-old partying. There's not really time to work out 7 days a week. Especially not for more than 30 minutes to an hour a day. And with the alcohol we consume Friday to Sunday, it's really no wonder we're not more fit.
In our 30s, we will (hopefully) be further along in our careers. We will have some job stability, general life stability, and higher salaries. I might have the self-control to meal prep and work out at 5 a.m. in my 30. I might have a home big enough to house some weights and a yoga mat in my 30s. I will probably drink less in my 30s.
most women I see in their 30s are hotter than they were when they were younger lmaooooooo. men have mid life crises, women just glo up lol. https://t.co/5ycLWffLl9
— ☨ WHERE ALL THE FUCKIN GOTH WOMEN AT 𖤐 (@deaftones) December 30, 2017
I am pretty positive I'll be more fit and more hot in my 30s than I am now. And that's like, a really good thing, since the 30s are supposed to be a woman's sexual peak. Bring on the hot body and the good sex, please!
Introducing the Hair Straightener Tongue Challenge…I think….
Tracing its origins
by Harry Shukman
Hard to explain what makes anyone willingly put themselves through extreme pain for clout (this guy who shocked his dick off by thumbing it into an electrical socket, for instance), and yet here we are with a new trend tentatively named the Hair Straightener Tongue Challenge.Like the other 18 million people who have seen this…
Why did Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson break up? An investigation
Let’s be real, this relationship was never going to work out
by Nian Hu
So Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson broke up this weekend, surprising absolutely nobody. Who would've thought that a whirlwind five-month-long PDA-fueled relationship between an unfunny butthole-eyed corpse-looking dude and a world-famous pop star who was WAY out of his league could've possibly worked out? The question was never if they would break up, but when.The…
Your weekly horoscope is here, and you have to start thinking about yourself
When did you last take some me time?
by Codi Cheyenne
Coming at you live with some compassionate, authentic realness. Last week was a trip, stirring up the old and bringing about much needed change. You may have been challenged, making you question yourself and how you interact with the world. When that happens, we need some guidance on how find our footing again, so here…