What was the most batshit insane moment to ever happen on Jersey Shore?
Let’s talk about those twins in Italy
by Una Dabiero
Jersey Shore simultaneously shouldn't have happened and acted as one of the most important cultural moments of all history. Or at least the 21st century. It inspired us all to wear Snooki poofs and say DTF and communicate with our friends via anonymous notes. But, it was a show of really high highs (think: "GTL" becoming America's motto) and really low lows (think: this list).
Some super fucked up stuff happened on Jersey Shore. I am 900 percent sure that it wouldn't be made in 2017. But its shitty moments are really what made it…so fucking enticing and so fucking important. What was the worst thing that happened in the entire show? Here are our candidates:
Snooki gets punched at the bar by a dude
Watching some guy punch Snooki in the face rewind after rewind was pretty insane, especially because she didn't do anything to deserve it. Like, what was up with this guy? Was he so fucked up he wanted to go around clocking girls or was he just reeeally mad? Listen, I'm all about equality — if she was throwing hands, he totally should have. But she was just taking a drink back from his cheap ass and that's what really pisses me off: cheap guys.
Pauly D calls the Israeli girl a stalker for… being normal?
OK, remember that Israeli girl who was super into Pauly D in the first and third season. He was SO MEAN to her! He called her a psycho and a stalker for being upset when he didn't call and trying to get him to apologize. I think she had mad balls, Pauly. Just saying.
Ron makes out with other girls at the club then comes back and proudly sleeps with Sam
Remember in Season 2 when drunken Ronnie held a meeting with the guys to tell them all he was gonna play Sam? He was LITERALLY like, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna go sleep with Sam after making out with hot girls all night." We've all been with a dude like this and we know how fucked it is. Fuck Miami Ronnie, honestly.
Angelina's entire character
did anyone even like Angelina on jersey shore
— miss keisha (@eemmaajw) January 21, 2018
Angelina, A.K.A. the Staten Island Ferry, was a shit starter. She spent barely one full season on the show, but she is still my least favorite character. She's not even interesting. Like, she was SO unremarkable, I don't even know what to write in this blurb except that she carried all her shit around in black garbage bags. Did no one in her family own a suitcase??? The fact that she was on the show at all is pretty fucked, IMO. The producers should've never given her .75 seasons of fame.
Deena strips in front of a very, um, unenthusiastic Mike
Deena spends her first night in the house getting blackout and dragging a very unenthusiastic Mike upstairs with her. Once she's up there, she strips (almost) naked in front of him while he practically begs her to put her clothes back on and go to bed.
Jenni’s ex, Tom, steals all her shit from her house
Tom and Jenny break up during Season 3, and like, thank god because ROGER. But right after they break-up, Tom abandons Jenni's dogs. Her and Snooki go to her place to pick up the pups and realize Tom cleared it out. I don't know if you remember, but he stole a bunch of money from her accounts, a hard drive, her bed, and a watch she got for high school graduation. Honestly, he's lucky J Woww was being filmed for a few weeks after this all shook down. She probably would've drove to his house and chopped his balls off were she not being watched by the whole-ass American public.
J Woww's dogs >>>>>
— megan corso (@23megabitez) June 22, 2012
Snooki got blackout and couldn’t find the beach while on the beach
Once, Snooki got really, really drunk and was wandering around the boardwalk asking people where the beach was while she was quite literally on the beach. She ran into Jenni and Deanna, who tried to save her from getting arrested for public intoxication. It didn't work because she screeched at police officers after doing somersaults through the Jersey Shore crowds. This moment is particularly insane because you realize how fucked up all these people are after being isolated and put under a microscope for weeks at a time with nothing but clubs and booze to cheer them up.
Someone at the barber shop says Deena likes to lick butthole
So, the guys heard at the barber shop that Deena licks butt. Mike thinks this is HILARIOUS and tells her about the rumor. Of course she denies it because its fucking national TV. But I'm guessing Deena DOES lick butthole and the guy she was dating at the time told his barber about it.
Sam punches Ron in the face for being friends with Jenni
Remember when Sammi really hated J Woww and popped Ron in the face for talking to her? Yeah, me too. I have nightmares about that moment. The anger. The crying. They should've fucking left their whole relationship right there.
Ron throws Sam's shit outside
But then again, remember that time Ron tore Sammi's stuff apart and put her mattress outside? He broke all her furniture and ruined all her sheets. I would be throwing hands. But instead, Sammi cried about her broken Ray Bans and went home, only to come back and get with this motherfucker again. That's when we all wrote her tf off.
People get mad at Pauly D for being Pauly D
Pauly was literally so non-confrontational that sometimes people would get mad at him for not being mad. And then he wouldn't just be mad, he would be PISSED. Leave Pauly alone!!
Mike tells everyone Snooki slept with him when she… didn’t
In Italy, Mike tells Ron that he and Snooki slept together while she was with Jionni. Of course, Ron tells Snooki and she has a meltdown. She swears she never slept with Mike and I believe her. Mike was being so creepy with her, probably because she was something he couldn't have. And he was also on fuck tons of pain pills, so there's that. I think it's pretty fucked up that Mike tried to ruin Snookis relationship like that for like, two seasons. I thought they were tan bros.
Mike goes to the hospital after hitting his own head on the wall
Mike and Ron get in a long-awaited fight because they realize they sell each other out all the time. But instead of throwing punches at Ron, Mike has like a fucking aneurysm and spirals out of control. He flails his limbs and finally cracks his head on the wall. They carry him out on a stretcher and he has to wear a fucking neck brace. Lit.
That twin lost her virginity on national TV
So, remember Mike's Italy hook-up? Remember how she happened to be a twin? Remember how Mike was trying to fuck both the twins, at the same time? Remember how one of the twins was a virgin, and ended up sleeping with Vinny on NATIONAL TELEVISION? This girl legit lost her virginity to Vinny on the Jersey Shore. That's that. I'm done.
Everyone in the house calling girls WAY hotter than I will ever be ‘grenades’
I swear, every woman on this show was considered a grenade. Girls way hotter than I will ever be were always being pushed out of the house to a taxi Pauly et. al. had bought them, before they realized what was up and grabbed their "hot" friend to come with them. I think it's pretty fucked that every girl on Jersey Shore who had sex or who came home with them was called a grenade. Just my opinion. There were literally like three girls in six seasons who weren't branded as ugly. Think about that.
Ron and Sammi’s entire relationship
Do Sammi and Ron completely ruin Jersey Shore
— young frankie jonas (@pollsbymaddie) January 27, 2018
I will never be able to erase Sammi's "RAHN STAHP" out of the recesses of my mind. It will come back to haunt me at my weakest moments, when I am hurt and alone. I'm not gonna, like, meditate on this because we all meditated on it for six years. But just know, I will carry the trauma of this toxic relationship with me to my grave.
Snooki and Vinny's entire relationship
Snooki and Vinny might not have had as insidiously toxic of a relationship as Ronnie and Sammi, but their whole situation was still pretty fucked up. Vinny was always grossed out by Snooki hooking up with guys, but fucked "grenades" left and right. Then, when Snooki started to get the feels, he wasn't there. But he was willing to hook up with her while she was dating Jionni. The whole thing was pretty messed up, which is sad because we all like to think of Vinny as like, the cute, pure Jersey Shore puppy dog.
Ok, which one was the most fucked up? Vote here: