Valentine’s Day will never be as good as it was in elementary school, so what’s even the point?

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Valentine’s Day will never be as good as it was in elementary school, so what’s even the point?

Just give me some free Fun Dip and I’ll be satisfied

We all know now that Valentine's Day sucks. If you're single, you're alone on a day all about love. If you're in a situationship, it's awkward as fuck to figure out what you're supposed to do when the 14th rolls around. And if you're in a relationship, chances are your partner will disappoint you in one way or another because expectations at this time of year are way too high.

What I'm trying to say is Valentine's Day as an adult isn't fun for anyone. It's expensive and annoying. Basically the only way we could collectively make it better? Cancel it, or go back to like, the 1st through 5th grade.

Valentine's Day was way better as a kid. Like honestly, none of us appreciated it enough. There was a party and everyone got cards and candy and parents bought everything.

The excitement started with buying some trendy af foil cards from the store. They were covered in characters from your favorite TV show or had 3D effects on them that made the puppies look like they were hopping out of the card.

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Then you took them home, and decided who would get what card. We were all petty about who got the ugly cards or who got the big stickers.

Of course, our crush had to get the biggest card with the word "love" on it. And they definitely got an extra glittery tattoo. Meanwhile, our arch nemesis got the small, ugly sticker or the card we "forgot" to put candy in, like the young bitches we were.

At school, we would decorate a shoebox or like, a paper bag to make a mailbox. Then, we would take turns doling out the cards we worked so hard on.

Honestly, going through your cards was the best part of Valentine's Day. You found out exactly where you stood with someone. If Hannah gave you a frog card instead of a dolphin, it was fucking on. And if some random boy in class gave you a full size card covered in hearts, you knew he had a crush. We got really excited when the cute boy in class gave us a Valentine, even if he was literally obligated to and only gave out ugly as fuck Star Wars cards. And we definitely put on the included temporary tattoos with our spit.

But what was even better than getting the cutest cards or finding out TWO boys liked you at the same time was getting some free Fun Dip.

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After all this, you had a class party, which we all know was the highlight of any school experience. You probably drank juice boxes and ate those weird chalky cookies with the sprinkles on them.

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Then you did crafts or watched a movie or whatever until you went home and ate all your candy.

It sounds trite, but honestly, this all sounds a lot better than being contractually obligated to spend $15+ on every friend I have just so we can have a "Galentine's" and get wine drunk and cry together. Or go to a $50 dinner with some asshole just to break up a few weeks after — or if you're really unlucky, that night.

Valentine's Day sucks now. Most of us aren't in love, and all of us are jaded. No celebration will ever be as pure as elementary school Valentine's Day, and they won't be as fun, either.

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