Your weekly horoscopes are here, and they’re brutally honest


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Your weekly horoscopes are here, and they’re brutally honest

Don’t shoot the messenger

Happy Day After Kylie Jenner Announced Giving Birth, uglies! It's the only President's Day I'll be celebrating this year. Aside from that, I guess it's really just another Monday. Or, if you'd prefer to think about it in a more positive light, 7 fresh new days to turn that spiraling life of yours around (or try to at least). I mean, Ky is 20 and has a baby after all. What have you done?

Here's what the stars have in store for you, featuring illustrations by Lucy Turnbull for babe:


Like I said in your monthly horoscope, the beginning of February is all about romancing for you. And if you're reading this thinking, romance? Last night I watched the Super Bowl alone just so I'd have something to talk to guys on Tinder about, that's because it's only the 5th of the month and you still have so much blooming to do. Just because there's the potential for romance doesn't mean it's going to walk over and knock on your door in the middle of the night — you still have to go out in search of it. I know in movies only losers and creeps do this, but try going to a bar or a coffee shop alone. A complete mystery to everyone else, you're more intriguing right now than you've ever been.


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For the next two weeks, it's going to be full-force ahead. And honestly, it's kind of going to suck. Your body wasn't exactly made for this, so you're going to need to make a point of taking extra good care of yourself. Wake up in the morning and breathe before getting out of bed. Silly, I know, but I swear it works. Drink way more water than usual, go to sleep at 9 even if you feel like a grandma, lay off the booze on weekdays, shower in the morning and evening if it helps you to relax, and most importantly, remember to keep eating well. There's a lot of adventure coming your way in the middle of this month, and you'll need all of your work behind you in order to feel guilt-free enjoying it.


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Queen of intrigue, you're all anybody can pay attention to right now. There's an air of mystery around you and it's probably thanks to your undying commitment to independence. Everyone likes what they can't have, and you've proven lately that you're not interested in changing for anybody — no matter how hot they are. It's so easy fall into a relationship and allow people to change you, but that's when they start losing interest. Keep listening to the music you love even if everybody else hates it, keep wearing your weird, eccentric clothing and keep posting whatever the fuck you want on social media. These forms of expression are for you, not anybody else, and you've always known that. Don't forget it now.


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Buckle in and get ready to ~organize~, hun. I'm sorry if that sounds boring, but it can actually be really nice. There's something so satisfying about coming home to a clean room with a freshly made bed and just getting to enjoy your own tiny space in this world. If you haven't done laundry in three weeks, do it. Make a list and cross the things off so you're really holding yourself accountable. I know, you're tired and probably feeling achey after the weekend, but there's no better time to turn it around than now. This is your space and you deserve to own it. Clean your makeup brushes, buy some new cute soaps you really love and wipe down everything from your ceiling to your roommates ceiling. You'll feel amazing basking in the clean afterwards.


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You're going to be giving a lot more than you're getting this week, but I'm pretty sure it's a scientific fact you always feel better after anyway. There's something about knowing you've made someone else's week that makes your own week seem enjoyable even if it wasn't. Not to mention all of the good karma that'll come along with it. By the 15th, there will be a string of good luck coming your way, but Karma works the other way, too. If you allow this week slip by, avoiding chances to help friends and strangers, you may feel it down the line. Even if it's just tiny things like, commenting something sweet on someone's Instagram even though you normally wouldn't, or texting someone and telling them you miss them and appreciate them, it'll make their week which means it'll make yours, too.


Repeat after me: From now until the 18th, we are going to ground ourselves. Call your mom and tell her you want her to visit you for dinner, delete the Twitter app on your phone if it's causing you anxiety and spend some time considering what was important to you before all this was. You don't actually love all the things you do now, you just do them because you're expected to — like, keeping up your social media presence or waking up at 6:30 to put makeup on every morning. Sleep in, take a day off and spend a weekend alone. I don't care what excuse you have to come up with, you don't owe your sanity to anyone. I promise the world will continue on turning without you.


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Like we talked about in your monthly horoscope, this week you're still recovering from the kind of panic January left you in, but please do not rush yourself. Healing takes time, whether it's from a broken heart, a bad few weeks at work or an argument between you and a friend. But you know what else helps healing? Retail therapy. It's time for a new scent! Buy yourself a new perfume (I suggest something relaxing, like lavender), order that hoodie from Urban you've been eyeing and spend what's left on some new moisturizers. When you look good and smell good it's so much easier to feel good. Plus, you'll need the perfume for later this month.


Have you started getting rid of things like I told you to? Remember, the beginning of this month is all about cleansing your life in every aspect — cutting out people, cutting out bad habits, cutting out anything that's holding you back from getting to where it is you want to be. Just because these things or people were useful to you in the past doesn't mean they still are, and that's a really hard thing to come to terms with by yourself. As you change, they change and so does your relationship with them. Come mid February, you are going to be slammed with social engagements, so organize yourself in any way you can, and by organize I mean get rid of everything toxic. I suggest you sage your home after.


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Still feeling good from that eclipse high? This next week is going to be an absolute blur for you, but in a good way. You're riding an energy wave and it's giving you the ability to finish projects you wouldn't ordinarily get done. But, with every high comes a low, and as you know, the higher the high, the lower that low. Does this mean you're going to crash and burn come next week? Not if you remember to take care of yourself while sprinting from engagement to engagement. Don't look at any of your technology before going to bed, don't look at in when you wake up in the morning and stop thinking about work all the damn time — you're giving yourself nightmares. You're going to need to decide what's worth stressing about and what's not because you'll only have time for so much.


I hope you've been spending carefully even though I know you probably haven't. It's hard to when your friends want to go out for tacos all the time and you're hungry for tacos literally all the time. But seriously, hit the breaks, love. You're going to run yourself into a problem if you don't stop and consider how that extra coffee or drink every day really does add up. Make your coffee or tea at home in the morning, pack lunch (or steal from someone else if that's chill) and stop ordering in — there's a fee, and you definitely can't afford it right now. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm being bitchy, but it's something you needed to hear, and your friends certainly weren't going to tell you. But they might tempt you to keep spending.


Remember how we said February is all about you? Now have you remembered to act like it's all about you? January was not your month and you're still feeling more exhausted than ever before. Stop staying late to finish work, stop waking up at 6 am because you're a crazy person and start treating yourself like a living, breathing human being. You only get one body, so I'm not trying to have you waste yours away. Get out of your pajamas, go outside and stand in the sun even if you look like a lunatic doing it. Taking care of yourself doesn't count as taking care of yourself if your habits are problematic. Take care of yourself the way your mom would want you to take care of yourself.


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Have your anxieties gotten the best of you yet? Probably, but there are still ways you can cope with them. You're almost certainly physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted right now, but there's still so much on your plate. A February workload, one too many plans with friends and that "eating well" thing you definitely told yourself you were going to do last month and…also the month before. Don't be mad at yourself if you haven't achieved every single thing you set out to this year, or if you let a resolution or two slide under the rug. Even if we're all pretending we haven't, we have. But unlike you, we aren't beating ourselves up over it. Think about your resolutions again, decide which are the most important and then make a new, more realistic list. You're only human, and you've totally got this.


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