Your friends can never be totally honest with you, so I will. Here’s exactly how to get over a loser guy
Revenge tastes sweet
by Ari Bines
There are so many conventional ways to get over someone. The boring suggestions touted by every other women's site are so lamer they’re sleep-inducing. Really? Throw a "over him" party with other scorned women, burn your favorite hoodie of theirs and then watch "John Tucker Must Die"? No. But my plans to get over an ex are way more savage. So savage, in fact, that all of your girlfriends will probably be totally against it—which is exactly why you need to go against them if you're really trying to rid yourself of fuckboy memories. Take my advice and just do these risky tasks.
You'll feel way more liberated and even a sense of payback for all the shit they put you through.
Makeout with his much hotter friend
Every girl has been struck at least once with an unexpected stomach-tightening because she's met a guy who she knows is way hotter than her own beau. He's the guy your girlfriends are telling you to steer clear of and your ex's bffs were probably whispering similar warnings to him when ya'll were still on your Chuck and Blair shit. Well, your chance to delve into your temptation has finally arrived. Your girls will tell you that you're playing with fire, but wait until you get burned to actually give a fuck. You know you'll feel better.
I am so in love with you. I literally pray to God that you are hotter than my ex naked.
— 2018💖 (@LoveSoBob) January 29, 2018
Follow his other exes on social media
This may sound crazy, but befriending your ex's exes can actually make you feel a whole lot better. It’s the same principle that united you with your ride or dies: one bitch pissed you both off, and the rest is history. You'll be able to chat through coffee and laugh at his assorted inadequacies.
Make a penis cake…then knife it
Use all those unwarranted dick pics he sent you before you were official and make a penis cake with his face on it. The point isn't to eat the cake, but to hash out all your frustrations on those lousy set of balls. A lot of your gal pals will think you're resorting to violence and insist that you "chill out", but fuck that. You know you don't want to go to jail, but you can at least pretend to deform him so you feel like he'll never have sex again.
Just don't want to have to cut his balls off. 🤷♀️ Dick-fuck deserves it, but too messy. 😐😂
— Marcemellow (@MarcieAnn91) January 29, 2018
Some or none of these suggestions will be supported by your squad, but it's not their relationship, so you do you, boo. There are safe, legal ways to get back at your ex when they couldn't keep it in their pants and you have every right to not give a fuck. He sure as hell didn't.
Every girl needs a trap phone
Even if you’re not actually, y’know, trapping
by Amanda Ross
I have this friend. For the sake of our story, let's call her…Janet Vasquez. I'm not changing her name to protect the innocent because she thrives on attention (one of the many reasons we're friends) and because she's definitely not innocent. Me and Dammit Janet at a bar circa 2011, moments before she ran away…
BEHOLD: Pumpkin Spice Booze, because Pumpkin Spice Lattes are over and they haven’t invented Pumpkin Spice Cocaine yet
Catch me snorting nutmeg
by Amanda Ross
There is nothing wrong with a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Like astrology, Lush bath bombs, and any novel written by a woman, PSLs are in a special club of things that are objectively good and fun but hated on by dudes and girls who haven't yet realized that dudes who hate those things are garbage. But…
Your weekly horoscopes say everyone’s feeling particularly rebellious this week
Here’s what to expect
by Caroline Phinney
There's something about these final dog days of August that bring with them an energizing, revitalizing feel. Fall is on the way, which means it's almost time to cuff up or miss out. With Lilith in Capricorn, you'll be ready to make the first move this week. Good luck.AriesIt’s finally time to relax for you…