You’re probably a fuckgirl if you’ve pulled any of these iconic hoe schemes — and I’m sure you have


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You’re probably a fuckgirl if you’ve pulled any of these iconic hoe schemes — and I’m sure you have

Ya’ll ain’t innocent

While we always call out guys for every one of their fuckboy tactics, us gals have also been caught red-handed for whipping out thot-like behavior to get what we want. I'm hardly the first woman to talk about the life-changing art of discovering your inner fuckgirl, but now I'm an expert at spotting the signs. Whether it be a free meal, more followers on Instagram, or simply attention, you've probably pulled one or two of these fuckgirl tactics to seal a deal.

When the bar closes, you send out booty call texts like 911 calls

When we want some, we want some now and by the time he actually gets back to you in response to your booty call text, the faucet is all dried up and you would've been better off with scrolling through PornHub. Therefore, you must have several sexts lined up to find out which fish takes the bait.

Deleting an Instagram photo if it doesn’t get enough likes is the only option. Well, that or death

Fuck your aesthetic if the photo doesn't have a minimum of 30 likes. You know you've ruined your engagement rate and maybe even some of your following. This is probably one of my biggest fuckgirl tendencies because I'm an attention-seeking monster and now so are all of you aspiring Instagram thots.

Flirting isn't just a way to sleep with someone — it's how you pass the time, boost your ego, and possibly pay your rent

You're a real fuckgirl for this one. And before you start ripping me a new one, anyone denying they've sought out attention from an ugly guy at least once is lying through their veneers. On those depressed days where you revert to writing manifestos onto that inactive Tumblr account, you're probably also looking to the nerds for validation when your Insta-hottie isn't posting heart emojis comments under your selfies.

You've got several different guys in the rotation with the same name for convenience's sake

And if it's not John, it's probably Jake, Dean, Cody, Nick or Brandon. There's always this pattern of carrying several versions of the same guy in your cell. Why us fuckgirls are obsessed with having 2 a.m. sex with a name is beyond me, but typically, the common theme remains that if he's blessed with one of these names, he's one of the hottest guys on campus.

You love to wear athletic clothes with no plans to ever hit the gym

Those mesh leggings with a bralette and flannel is just to expose that thong underneath. Like really girl? You're intentionally suffering in a pair of hot pants in hopes of someone pulling you aside to tell you how great your butt looks.

You don't think hooking up with guys who could be your ex's stunt-double calls for an emergency shrink visit

I can't even lie. I'm a total fuckgirl for hooking up with dudes who look like my former boyfriends. Unless your ex was total shit, then you're probably not a fuckgirl for committing this crime. But still. Talk it over with someone.

You left him on read and didn't respond for hours

My excuse for this fuckgirl scheme is that I'm impatient and want to prepare for all the lies I'm about to tell him about how great the sex was. However, I'm most likely already in the middle of something, and I don't have the patience to get into a whole ass convo.

…But go into a blind rage if he dares do that to you

That's only OK when I do it.

All of you have probably read through this now thinking you're either more shallow than the Kim sobbing over her 20K earrings drowning or you're waving that fuckgirl flag loud and proud with no remorse. You savage bitch.

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