Why you should give your ex another shot, and how to make it work when you do
Our first dispatch from Skoop Hernandez
My name is Sasha Hernandez, but most people call me Skoop! If you are wondering where Skoop came from, it’s because I “Skoop” up all the girls. I cannot deny it, because I do.
I’m a Hispanic gay woman — very attractive and easy on the eyes. I am 24 years old, born in May of 1993. Who didn’t love the 90s? So it’s a must to love the 90s babies… which is me!
Today I am in SCI-Muncy in Pennsylvania awaiting a resentencing. Being in a state prison since I was 16, I had no choice but to grow up faster. It made me grow mentally and emotionally. It opened my eyes to our fucked-up justice system.
I remain as humble as possible, but I hold on to my faith everyday, because I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Right now, I'm back together with my ex, Aonyah
Today, I am happy with her. Very content and as comfortable as we can be in prison. We live together in a 8’ by 16’ cell. We’re addicted to the games on our tablets. We listen to music together, watch a lot of reality shows, movies, play cards and just bond with each other.
Just like every other couple we have our fights, arguments and bickering, but we talk it out and move forward, and we learned a lot after breaking up and getting back together.
Aonyah and I got set up in 2013…
It started off by having a mutual friend trying to hook us up on her own. We both gave each other compliments. Skoop being Skoop, I’m like “Yo, she’s bad.” And of course she said I look good — ‘cause I do. Plus I had an advantage because she loves Puerto Ricans.
Then we started walking to meals together, spending free time with one another — kicking it, getting to know each other, flirting. Then I asked her to be my celly, and she said yes.
The few months we lived together we had fun, but I was still dealing with my ex — so I didn’t take Aonyah as serious as I should've. It's something I look back on and know I fucked up, but back then I didn’t care as much as I do now.
Me running around with my ex drifted us apart and we stopped talking. She felt like I played her. She moved on and so did I.
Fast forward to 2017. After Aonyah’s new girlfriend got out of jail and stopped talking to her, so the flame reignited…
It started when I was a little sick and she offered me some tea.
It was nice to just have a normal conversation with someone you’ve dealt with in the past. And with that comes with old feelings you had for that person. The physical attraction was strong. The sexual attraction was deeper.
We both felt the same after being around each other so, like two horny women, we had some good sex, amazing sex. Sex I would never forget.
For me it’s a comfortability thing. If you had dealings with someone, you are comfortable with them. So, sexing them, fucking or making love isn’t an issue.
And then things got kinda serious
As time went on, feelings started to grow and shit was getting real. I stopped my flirtatious ways because I respect the woman she is and I did not want to cause no bullshit.
In the middle of our conversations she would bring up a relationship with us. Joking around — but I knew there was truth behind every sarcastic joke. I didn’t want a relationship at all, because I knew she wasn’t ready.
Although I wanted her to heal and not allow me to be her distraction I stayed around. I just knew I had to wait it out before I made a decision.
And damn I thought it all out.
Communication is what makes it all work
Now Aonyah and myself have communicated more than we ever did. I know in order to make this work, we've gotta be on the same page — communication is the key! How can one know how the other person feels if you don’t communicate?
I truly believe had we communicated more in the past, I might have stopped my bullshit and given her a chance. But Skoop is a firm believer in everything in life happens for a reason.
This time apart made us older, wiser and a lot more mature.
Don't dwell on the past
I know in the past we both said we wouldn’t deal with each other again, but shit happens, things change and people grow.
For the most part we spoke about the past and moved forward. If you keep bringing up the past, it just causes friction. If you see a difference in someone and know that they've changed for the better, why not give them a second chance?
I forgave her for not speaking to me. I had to be more understanding because she didn’t do nothing wrong in the past. I was the one chasing my ex.
Maturity is everything
It’s about knowing what you did wrong, acknowledging it, but either fixing it or accepting it. Growth plays a big part in all of this, because if you don’t grow then you haven’t learned from your mistakes and the same issues will arise.
All I had to do was weigh my options out. If the good outweighed the bad then why not try this again. If you know what the issue was and you fix it then it can work out with an ex… It’s about progression, not degression.
And for me it’s working.