Everything curvy girls NEED to do, according to men of the internet

What's most ironic about the fat-shaming man is that despite daily trips to PornHub, they think they understand women's bodies. The truth of the matter is they understand our bodies about as much as washing their genitals, AKA not a damn thing.

And it doesn't stop there. They think they can criticize us, too. We know the standard ways plus-size women can be "more desirable" is to lose weight (sooo easy, right?), but why stop there when we can get into tiny specificities to make fat chicks more fetching? I love men!

Drink only diet soda

I didn't know beverages with enough sugar for a diabetic to overdose on their insulin intake would be the definitive answer to all my weight loss prayers. Definitely never crossed my mind.

Implementing structural systems for optimal hotness

If it hasn't shut down again, why don't we just call up our government and eliminate food stamps just for the sake of one man's irrelevant-ass opinions? It's clearly the only option here.

Just workout! What a genius!

Umm…lifting weights, attempting squats, and tripping over my laces on the treadmill wouldn't stop me from intentionally trying to stop your blood circulation in your skinny man twin-sized bed. But please, proceed in your fat-shaming rant along with that double chin.

Only wear…fat clothes? Whatever those are

I don't understand why fat-shamers are blaming us when it's the retail industry's ass-backward marketers who brought us skinny jeans and still sold it to us fat girls. Don't hate the player, hate the clothing game!

Dress according to our shape

It's funny they have a problem with my fat girl dress code. Maybe when they've finished advertising their unwashed boxer shorts via prison-inspired saggy pants, I'll consider their fashion advice.

Grow taller since our height to weight ratio is super offensive

Unless you're going to throw down Benjamins to get my knees done and your mouth should only be open to do one thing—and it doesn't require any form of speaking.

I've already formed a minor case of arthritis from scrolling through all this fat phobia. I just feel genuinely sorry for those Twitter trolls who haven't discovered the wonders of a Twinkie.

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● Fuck what you heard, plus-size girls CAN lead perfectly healthy lifestyles

● Why does Tyra Banks hate fat models?

● 'Chub traps' are the sexiest thirst traps featuring thicc girls ONLY

@aribines