Here’s why we need a White History Month


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Here’s why we need a White History Month

I salute my white walkers!

It's Black History Month, a time where we celebrate the accomplishments and achievements of Harriet Tubman, the only Black person the American school system knows.

However, the problem with this celebration is that white people have felt using all 28 days of the shortest month of the year is making them feel left out. Can't have that!

So because I'm an equal opportunities kind of bitch, here's list of reasons why we need White History Month:

Black History Month is racissssssst

If we're going to make this country white —I mean, right — we have to include everybody and every race all the time, 7 days a week so we don't make anyone feel like they're being left out. No Black people, though. Let's not get crazy. By every race, I mean Irish-Americans, French-American, Scandinavian-American, Garlic Bread-Americans, etc.

White people are completely outnumbered

Who knew the white race was starting to feel like they were underrepresented when they have all their great grandparents in every college textbook. We definitely wouldn't want anyone to feel like they were a minority in this country. Why are they scared of being a minority, though? Are minorities treated poorly in America or something…? ???

They apparently don't know other white people

White people need their own white place to interact and talk about white things like reenforcing slavery and using mayonnaise as lube or whatever. We can't exclude white people from Black History Month because that would be segregation. Checkmate, liberals.

White just people don't know enough about their history

All those black-and-white photos of slaves being beaten is definitely something white people should know about — I mean, they don't have a clue as to how hard their ancestors fought to buy little Negro Jimmy over their slave master competitors. It's hard work raising an auction paddle! And don't even get me started on the plantation. You think be a slave it hard? Try owning one. God, whites need reparations just for that.

White people carry more struggles than anyone

White people suffer from all that privilege sometimes, too. They're blamed for being put on a pedestal and catered to all the time, which can put on some serious stress. So we for sure need a White History Month to celebrate everything they've done in spite of being treated so unfairly for everything they have. It's just the right thing to do.

I know a lot of you may not agree, but a White History Month may just be the best decision we've made in the history of this country—besides, ya know, enslaving an entire race to do all the work for this country.

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