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Every passive-aggressive thing you can do to let your roommate know they’re absolute shit
I’ve only done about all of these
by Ari Bines
The first (and last) time I shared a room with a despicable being was during my freshman year of college. I first thought we'd be a really cool pair that would have an understanding of mutual respect. I came from a semi-strict "bitch don't play" kind of household while she happened love extremely loud sex with our classmates in our shared room. Yeah, with me in it.
Rather than deciding to be a mature adult and responsibly report it to the Resident Assistant, I unleashed my passive aggression onto her and found plenty of other ways to let her know she could fuck right off.
'Misplacing' the kitchen utensils
The only thing better than eating someone else's food is making them chow down with their hands like it's medieval times and everyone's got some filthy plague.
Leaving your dirty dishes exactly where the fuck you want (the living room)
The key to this one is to leave them out long enough for them to notice that you clearly don't fuck with their own messy behavior. And long before you get critters, get real.
Low-key befriend their ex
There will definitely be a time when your roommate's going through boy troubles. By the time their affair ends, slide into their ex's DMs and invite them over just to watch her squirm.
Obnoxiously chain up your valuables like this girl:
Being obnoxiously possessive will annoy the fuck out of your roommate(s). Especially if you lock up all the items you share with the house. It's critical you make it apparent you don't like living with their dumb ass.
Switch up the room temperature
This may be more active, but if you pull off genuine shivers like you're "too hot" or "too cold", that's passive enough in my book — especially if it means they'll stop turning up in your quarters with a square footage of of 96.
Keep the lights on at night
I don't know about you but when I'm exhausted, I knock the fuck out—light or no light. Chances are though, if you can master sleeping with the lights on, you'll irk the fuck out of your roomie just right.
Exceptionally clean only the things on your side of the room
Even when my roomie's annoying friends came over, they always pointed out that my side of the room was way more put together. I also made sure that my shit in the fridge was outrageously organized. You ain't her mama, so let her grab the broom if she doesn't want her guests to call her out on being a sloppy hoe.
Keep your TV blaring at night
In college, typically, one person will bring the mini fridge and the other provides the TV. But I was the one to bring both. So you better believe I had absolute control over when I wanted to watch GoT on high volume. Bitch shoulda offered to contribute! Just saying.
Talking to your friends and family about them on the phone in your room when you know they're there
If you're totally over their bullshit and ready to say "fuck subtlety", then I highly recommend you go with this level of passive aggression. They'll be sure to get the hint that you're not with this shit.
Start cleaning when they're obviously studying
When my studies were evidently in front of me, my roommate would decide that very moment was the time to whip out the vacuum and Swiffer. So, best believe I gave her a taste of her own medication.
Tag them in a 'shitty roommate' post (like this one)
When you've gotten the balls to drop hints that they need to get their shit toether, @ them in a Facebook group or in the comment section of an article that will tell them off for you. No sense in you doing all that work.
Leave a trash can by their bed.
If and when your roommate asks about it, tell them you assumed they were having separation anxiety from their twin.
Set your 10 alarms minutes apart from one another
Snoozing your alarm at least 12 times is part of the daily routine, but consider alarming their ass with your phone blasting the sencha ringtone. You wake up on time and disturb their sleep. It's almost like a 2 for 1 deal.
Charge them on Venmo for all of their fuckery
No one is eager to pay up for money they owe, but sending your roommate invoices for every single inconvenience you've put up with will let 'em know you're not playing games.