For the love of all things good, never swipe right on a guy who only has group pics
Well, unless you want to get murdered
by Ari Bines
Just when I thought I'd attempted every desperate tactic on the market to find "love", I unknowingly realized that I've been swiping right on profiles in which I have no idea who the actual person is because they've emptied every one of their group photos into their Tinder profile.
There's a clear method to this Tinder madness in the hopes that he'll grab your attention with the help of other males standing with him. Here's all the proof you need to determine he's crazier than Bella Thorne's Snapchat story:
He doesn't want you to know he's the ugliest
I know that our parents always tried to scare us about the dangers of personal information exposure on social media, but who in their right mind wouldn't want to make their profile pic an image of themselves? Catfish or otherwise, who doesn't throw up their own face when trying to score a date? The dead giveaway that he's trying to hide something hideous is he’ll probably have the same dudes who posed in his lead image posing in every other pic on the Tinder carousel.
When their entire Tinder profile are group photos: pic.twitter.com/fcRGdu7FZ6
— Steven McKeown (@stenmck) February 1, 2018
He’s essentially challenging you to an all-or-nothing match of "Where’s Waldo", making it even more impossible for you to decipher which guy is the real Tinder profile. He’s already considered that as long as his better-looking model friends are beside him, he’ll be sure to get at least one Super Like from a poor sucker.
There's no way in hell you'll find out which guy he is based on your common connections
A nightmare: a tinder profile where every photo is a group photo with 5 generic looking boys & u cant figure out who’s profile it is
— total biotch (@skateihpos) January 23, 2018
Tinder's common connections feature is about as helpful to unveiling his true identity as it is finding old weed roaches in your couch cushions — which is to say not at all. Most of the connections you and "the group" have in common are probably just former classmates you haven't spoken to in years. You know, like how you added them as your Facebook friend in 2009, but you're too lazy to do the tedious task and unfriend them? And you can't even really remember their name so you just describe them as "What's his name who was really weird and into anime"?
The same so goes for those random friend requests you accepted by nerds who paid their cousins to go to prom so you could brag about hitting 1,000 friends.
tinder common connections are so weird bc its like: my drug dealer, dude from hs, and my roommates ex boyfriends best friends cousins sister
— hannah (@hannahbananerd) July 31, 2016
Even if you find a lump sum of your current co-workers in the common connections, it still won't help you uncover his identity amongst all of his friends. There's just too many of them! It's a numbers game. How can you really determine which swoopy-haired bro is this bro if there are two dozen other swoopy-haired bros lurking on either side of him?
Mark my words: His bio contains exactly 3 words
Every guy’s tinder bio:
6’2 because apparently that matters🙄
“Quote from The Office”
I like food, dogs, and adventures.🏕
Your mom will like me😉
— Hope (@hope_whalen) February 11, 2018
One huge observation I've made in my Tinder universe deep dive is guys who solely share group pics with their sorority thots or frat bros can't even make a successful half-assed bio. It'll take up a few milliseconds of his time to write out his workplace so you scope him out on LinkedIn, his height (you are that shallow, and you know it), and a brief summary of what bands he saw at Warped Tour. But apparently that's too much effort.
I should also mention that most guys will usually throw down some emoji indicating he plays some kind of heinous sport — but this guy refuses and it might expose if he's the buffed out beef cake or a little lank. And to him, identifying his face is a group photo is a fate worse than death.