I’ve cheated on every guy I’ve ever dated, and I don’t feel even a little bit sorry


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I’ve cheated on every guy I’ve ever dated, and I don’t feel even a little bit sorry

It’s too easy

by The Tab

I’m a love addict. I spend hours scrolling through the New York Time‘s Modern Love section, or The Cut‘s Sex Diaries. I go on about a date a week and spend the rest of my time watching other people’s love stories unfold on Netflix.

While some might tell you the key to romantic satisfaction is sleeping with at least 25 people before settling down, I have a very different approach.

When I talk about my future with my friends, it always includes marriage and children. But I’ve also cheated on every person I’ve ever been with.

If you’ve agreed to a monogamous relationship it’s written into the framework that you won’t stray — physically or emotionally.

But here’s the thing: you’re better off doing it anyway.

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It’s easier to get away with than you think

People don’t refrain from cheating because they’re happy with their partners, they refrain from cheating because they’re afraid of being caught. And perhaps a few of the guys I cheated on knew but they stayed with me anyway. As for the rest, it was easy enough to hide.

Say you’re going out with friends, tell them you’re spending a weekend at home or away, tell the person you’re cheating with that you don’t want to attend social functions, and then change their name in your phone to a girl’s (or guy’s, depending on which way you swing — change it to your mom’s, I don’t care.)

Best case scenario, tell the person you’re cheating with that you’re taken. I doubt they’ll have issues keeping it discrete.

If you’re worried about them seeing you on Tinder, don’t be. Ask them why they were on it in the first place. And if a friend sees you? Say your account is old.

It keeps the one you’re dating interested

There’s no easier way to get bored of someone than by dating them.

And nobody wants to date someone who doesn’t have their own life. Seriously dating someone is similar to moving in — you can’t just un-move in with someone you’re seeing. You’re either going to spend the rest of your lives together, or you’re going to split. Those are literally the only two options. With decades of time ahead of you, why rush into pushing other people out?

I hope (and assume) you know this by now, but guys want whoever is least interested in them. Once you’re dating, it’s impossible to keep playing hard to get unless you actively work towards making yourself unavailable.

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When you break up, you still have yourself

In the end, you’re going to date a lot of people and you’re going to marry almost none of them. But how many of your friends and interests are you going to shelve while placing them first, only to realize you’re boring and impossible to date afterwards? You have nothing of your own because everything you had was shared.

Guys don’t want you to sleep with other people because it’s the only thing they have that we don’t. And once you rise above that, they realize they’ve lost their grip on that leash they thought was so tight.

So maybe I’m telling you this because college is behind me and most of those ties are broken anyway. I didn’t love any of the people I cheated with, and I never went on to date them in the future. But ultimately, they taught me more about myself than any of the guys I called my boyfriend.

And as far as the “boyfriends” are concerned, they’ve all slid into my DMs since. Checkmate.


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