We asked the NSA if there were really government agents watching us from our webcams, and they didn’t deny it
I KNEW IT
by Katie Way
So you're talking to your roommate and you casually mention that you kind of need a haircut. Then you log onto Facebook an hour later, and all you see is haircuts for Aveda salons.
What? How the fuck did you just say something out loud, without searching it, and now your computer knows about it? That doesn't make sense, unless…
my assigned fbi agent hearing me listen to the same playlist for the 100th day in a row pic.twitter.com/KPSmcHjp6l
— 𝓪𝓷𝓪 📌 if unf (@astrolance) February 16, 2018
so my fbi agent can update my snapchat without my permission but can’t do anything when i set my alarm for pm instead of am? okay
— Shafeeq (@Y2SHAF) February 13, 2018
i ate an english muffin in front of my computer screen yesterday and today i scrolled past an ad for english muffins the fbi agent that is assigned to me must be so bored
— Ally Hills (@allyhills) February 17, 2018
the FBI agent assigned to me told me to post pic.twitter.com/DtV2BarJHG
— kacey (@kaceyyy02) February 12, 2018
*puts hand over webcam*
FBI agent: where’d he go…
*takes hand off webcam*
FBI agent: dam haha you got me bro
— memes (@memeprovider) February 8, 2018
That's right. It's the fucking FBI.
But memes aside, are we really being watched all the time? Because I feel like I'm being watched all the time, but I think I might just be self-absorbed/paranoid. So we decided to go right to the source, and find out
I called the NSA
The phone number for the National Security Agency is right there on the website. Anybody can call it. It's really easy, unless you're one of those people who gets nervous on the phone.
I spoke briefly to an NSA operator, and what she told me chilled me to my core (because I get nervous on the phone). I asked her to confirm or deny the theory all have FBI agents assigned to watch us, individually, through our phones and computers. First she said just one word: "No."
But I pressed on, because that answer was too short to be interesting. "Can you confirm or deny that theory?" I asked again.
And then she said a sentence that chilled me to my core:
"We don't confirm or deny anything."
I also emailed the NSA
I thought I was pretty polite, and I told them I had a deadline, but they never responded. Perhaps because they had… s o m e t h i n g t o h i d e ?
It soon became clear to me that nothing would ever become clear to me. I was being stonewalled by a government that claims to be by the people and for the people. What about me? And what about my FBI agent? Do I have a different FBI agent for my work computer (yeah, no big deal, we have work computers)? Are they going to be mad that I wrote this article?
All I can do is publish my findings and let you draw your own conclusions. And all my FBI agent can do is watch.