2017 - 2024 Tab Media news •
EXPOSED: We just made a startling discovery about sex in the Olympic Village
It’s not all fun and games
by Una Dabiero
When I heard sex was a big part of living in the Olympic Village (they passed out 110,000 condoms this year!), I was like: Oh shit! That's kinda hot. Just a bunch of fit as fuck athletes hooking up with each other. Who wouldn't want to live there? There are quite a few single Olympians I would downhill ski with, if you know what I mean. And I mean fucking.
But then, I had a major revelation about sex in the Olympic Village. Follow me on this fantasy-ruining investigation:
So I was reading Buzzfeed today, and I saw they had pictures of the Olympian's rooms
Of course, I clicked, because I am a whore for Team USA Ice Skating. And hot luge guys, but this is all beside the point.
But I noticed something major
It looked like a lot of the rooms have twin-sized beds.
Everyone who's had sex in a twin-sized bed knows it's the fucking worst
It should be reserved for sexually-active teens who live with their parents and freaky college students who have no shame anyway. The fact that Olympians sleep in twin-sized beds completely ruined my view of Olympic Village sex.
Of course, I had to confirm that this sad fact was true
I found more pics of Olympian's twin-sized beds.
A medium-sized reporter in a twin-sized bed at the 2012 Olympics
And I even found an athlete complaining to People about having to sleep in such a tiny-ass space
Runner Allyson Felix said,"Here you are at the hardest competition of your life and you have a twin bed." There are even stories of athletes buying bed extenders. Horrifying.
In their defense, it looks like not all athletes sleep in twins. Some have full or even queen-sized beds, based on my estimation of this Pyeongchang promotional photo.
Please note this was a *promotional* photo and it still looks like a prison
But most rooms are shared, and they're often compared to dorm rooms or even hospital rooms. That's very… not sexy.
So I guess next time you're jealous you're not banging a hot speed skater, remember that he'd only be able to fuck you in the same bed you slept in as a six-year-old, except not shaped like a race car so it's arguably worse. Total fucking deal breaker.