EXPOSED: We just made a startling discovery about sex in the Olympic Village
It’s not all fun and games
by Una Dabiero
When I heard sex was a big part of living in the Olympic Village (they passed out 110,000 condoms this year!), I was like: Oh shit! That's kinda hot. Just a bunch of fit as fuck athletes hooking up with each other. Who wouldn't want to live there? There are quite a few single Olympians I would downhill ski with, if you know what I mean. And I mean fucking.
But then, I had a major revelation about sex in the Olympic Village. Follow me on this fantasy-ruining investigation:
So I was reading Buzzfeed today, and I saw they had pictures of the Olympian's rooms
Of course, I clicked, because I am a whore for Team USA Ice Skating. And hot luge guys, but this is all beside the point.
But I noticed something major
It looked like a lot of the rooms have twin-sized beds.
Everyone who's had sex in a twin-sized bed knows it's the fucking worst
It should be reserved for sexually-active teens who live with their parents and freaky college students who have no shame anyway. The fact that Olympians sleep in twin-sized beds completely ruined my view of Olympic Village sex.
Of course, I had to confirm that this sad fact was true
I found more pics of Olympian's twin-sized beds.
And I even found an athlete complaining to People about having to sleep in such a tiny-ass space
Runner Allyson Felix said,"Here you are at the hardest competition of your life and you have a twin bed." There are even stories of athletes buying bed extenders. Horrifying.
In their defense, it looks like not all athletes sleep in twins. Some have full or even queen-sized beds, based on my estimation of this Pyeongchang promotional photo.
But most rooms are shared, and they're often compared to dorm rooms or even hospital rooms. That's very… not sexy.
So I guess next time you're jealous you're not banging a hot speed skater, remember that he'd only be able to fuck you in the same bed you slept in as a six-year-old, except not shaped like a race car so it's arguably worse. Total fucking deal breaker.