Just hear me out: Naming your vagina is the best thing you could do for your sex life

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Just hear me out: Naming your vagina is the best thing you could do for your sex life

Treat her right, dammit!

As I was scrolling and trolling the Twitterverse, I noticed the weirdest trend. Hoe Twitter (an incredibly important virtual neighborhood) is apparently naming their…vaginas?

At first, I was confident they all needed to be locked up.But then I realized it was the most genius idea. I actually feel more prepared than ever for my next dick appointment, and you will too once you hear out my reasoning. I'm kiiiiind of amazingly convincing.

You'll be more inclined to take care of her

Naming your vag will more than likely make you obsessed with caring for your crotch. You'll be more aware about what you put in your body to make her look and smell like a spring flower bed. Giving your girl a name is bound to get you so hung up on pH balances and the rose scented Summers' Eve that you can't help but look at her glorious bud every time you hop out the shower.

Your partner is more likely to make the first move

You don't necessarily have to tell them that you've named your pussy. They may think you're weird at first for having the gal to name your vagina like it's a pet snake in a tank, but it's a great indicator to them that you take good care of it.

You're sure to get yours first because they'll assume your girl is That Bitch™ if you've given enough fucks to bestow it with a sophisticated name. I’m thinking of calling mine Elizabeth. They're both two dope queens after all.

It doubles as a code name

Not every conversation you have about her will be within the confines of your private bedroom, and I'm always paranoid about professional eavesdroppers. Naming her is especially important in these scenarios.

There will be times when you want to let your lover know that there’s a ahem flood in the basement, but you don’t want the judgmental auntie sitting next to you knowing what’s really going down. So whenever you're discussing the woman downstairs in public, you can rest assured that no one is giving you a side-eye in the food court.

Naming her will make you more confident during sex

I know you’re questioning how could naming a body part possibly give you confidence in bed. But in actuality, naming your vagina makes the whole act of sex way less awkward.

Think about every menacing-looking dog you’ve ever encountered (not that your vag is menacing, but ride this metaphor out with me), and its name was something stupid like Daffodil or Humphrey.

There’s more reason to make fun of your sex insecurities and go for that one sex position you think you’re not ready for. Just dive in and go at it. She deserves it.

@aribines

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