If you want a relationship with them, have sex on the first date

I know what I'm about to say is groundbreaking, going against every other dating rule you've ever heard. Some experts claim you've gotta hold out until the third date. One insane thing I read said you shouldn't sleep with someone until they've spent $1,000 on you. That's like, a lot of beers.

But somewhere in my almost-23-years on earth, I discovered the real secret (granted I've only been doing the sex for a fraction of that time, but still): If the vibe is right and you're thinking you want a relationship, you've gotta sleep with them on the first date.

Otherwise, you might end up wasting your time and money

First date sex is more important than you realize. You invest a lot on first dates because you're trying to leave a lasting impression. Don’t even think about whipping out your ABH Dip Brow and contour kit for someone who won't even mess it up at the end of the night.

The hours you put in doing up your hair, nails and a beat face is time that could be time spent on binge-watching the Kardashians from season one. Think of all the conspiracies I could be tweeting about post-natal Kylie!!

There’s literally no point in wasting gas or metro fare for someone you’re not getting underneath. Paying for dinner is nice, but I want to see what that mouf do.

Be real: Size matters, and you better find out what they're working with now

Don’t pussyfoot around the issue, girl. You know yourself better than anyone else, and you know damn well that if you were to discover your date had all of the right personality traits with a package the size of your big toe, you’d hide from Snapchat for a week.

Dinner and a movie is cute and all, but you'll spend more on questioning how big (or how little) the dessert throughout the entire meal. You'll practically be planning how you're going to fake this next orgasm, and we ain't having that mess.

Their performance suggests how good of a boyfriend or girlfriend they’ll be

I’m the kind of girl who recognizes someone as a long-term bae if they finesse sexy time. My last boyfriend would prioritize me every time we got it on. In the event that he felt the show coming to a close, he’d stop the jackhammering to pay attention to my needs. That’s what I call a real Prince Charming.

Anyone who uses their time wisely to satisfy you can mean they’re also good in other aspects of the relationship.

They care about your feelings and concerns which will become clearer if you have or haven’t finished. In addition, they’re probably also a good listener because they’ve taken note of your body language when you kept coming up for air in 30-second windows of time.

You can thank me later.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

● Are you actually dating someone, or stuck in a several night stand?

● Is anyone else sick of dating shows only catering to very thin people?

● These are the six types of fuckboys you need to date before getting into a serious relationship

@aribines