Sorry, but if you’re still single in 2018, you’re the problem

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Sorry, but if you’re still single in 2018, you’re the problem

Yeah, sure, you’re just ‘having fun’ right now

by The Tab

There are approximately 7.47 billion people on this planet and only about 10 percent of those people are under the age of 18 — let's keep this legal, OK? But 18+ isn't good enough for you. You want someone who's above 6'2, has gentle, brown eyes, doesn't post selfies on Instagram, and knows how to eat ass — but that's still like, billions of people.

And we're more connected than ever. We have access to scores of people thanks to technology, intertwined in a way that our grandparents could never dream of.

So why is it you're single? And don't say you "enjoy" it. We all know that's a lie made up by single people to make it seem like it's a choice, when really it's because they've proven to be completely and utterly undatable.

You're picky, but not in a good way

I've heard the classic argument, touting single people for being "selective," as if the rest of us are willing to get down with literally anyone. But not only does that argument negate all of the extremely irritatingly selective coupled people I know, it makes you sound like a total douche.

You're not "special" because you're single, but you probably are grating.

You're the one who's 'impossible' to date

Another argument single people whip out when questioned about their relationship status is that other people are just soooo impossible to date. But I don't think three billion people are all really "impossible" to date, I think you are.

Dating is a skill. It takes courage to put yourself out there with new people for the first time. You need to be funny, sociable and in the end, you need to make someone else like you. If you can't do that — if you can't get a third, fourth or fifth date — it's because nobody wants to be around you for that long.

You're probably bitter as all hell

It's the girls who plan Galentine's Day parties three months in advance, or put things in their Tinder bios like, "Not sure why I'm here." They denounce all of their coupled friends, saying things like "I could never do that, but I'm really glad you're happy." Give me a break, Rebecca.

Nobody thinks you're cooler or more independent because you don't have a partner, but they probably do talk shit about you when you aren't around.

@TheTab

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