We asked girls how they prepare for dick appointments, and WOW you guys are some evil geniuses
It’s about more than shaving and brushing your teeth btw
by Ari Bines
The moment I get asked out on a date, I start mapping out beautification planning with more precision than a US Marine rescue operation. But like any ambitious career woman, I know the key to success is taking it all one step further.
So I did what any sane person would do and sought out the most practical place for advice: the internet.
been prepping this pum pum for my godly dick appointment
— ṡ. (@steeeezyxo) June 2, 2017
'I exfoliate with some coconut oil and sugar scrub'
In addition to her skin care routine, babe reader, Liz says she splurges on $15 razors to shave her legs and and uses a new one for each appointment. "I use a small amount of mild Cetaphil down there so I dont't throw off my pH balance." She says it's her go-to soap. Liz says that she also puts her butt to work, doing several squats prior to the main event. Amen to that.
Im literally crying my dick appointment got canceled again wtf I did not stay up till 3:30am prepping for fucking nothing
— 🌸Frescita🌸 (@silphions) February 21, 2017
'Body suits for liiiiifffeee'
Jaime, a babe reader, told us her go-to dick appointment apparel is a body suit. "When you take your pants off, it's like instant lingerie," she said. With a snap of a few buttons, you're off and out of the gate. And out of your pants a lot faster.
'Lipgloss won't come off on the dick'
I personally think lip gloss is hella sticky (and not in the good way), but babe reader Mel has gives good reasoning for lubing her lips. "You don't have to worry about the color smearing everywhere," she said. "I especially like the sexy mother pucker gloss because it puffs up your lips a little, instantly making you look sexier." My lips are big enough being that I'm like, Black, but if you weren't blessed like me, by all means, give it a go.
'Hide an extra pair of pants in your purse'
One reader, Alyssa, told babe that she keeps a spare pair of pants in the zip pocket of her handbag in the evet that she stays the night. "Waterproof mascara is also a must-have staple that I keep on me," she said. You never know when you'll get caught in the sprinklers before eating your lover's face off.
Tryna prep for my dick appointment tommorow but A BITCH HAS TO WORK HOW U EXPECT MY BODY TO BE SMOOTH AS HONEY WHEN I CANT MOISTURIZE
— danny devito is skinny (@emomaskgirl) September 7, 2017
"Step 1: Alcohol", said babe reader Elyse who carries out all of her appointments with bedside liquor. I'm always pretty nervous when I'm about to be alone with someone for hours, and a trusty bottle of Henny makes forced conversation a thing of the past.
'I dance like a weirdo in my room'
My own personal ritual before getting into my hoetation is to take all my nervousness away through the beats of Kung Fu Kenny, The Biebs and even a throwback to Jump 5 and S Club 7. There's nothing like dancing in your room like a damn fool to pump you up before getting piped down.