Remember Chat Roulette, the holy land of teenage dicks? We asked girls their wildest, scariest memories of the forgotten website
I’m SHOOK right now
by Ari Bines
It's just like our parents and teachers tried to tell us: the world wide web is a scary place. There's a dick hiding around ever corner, just waiting to pop out and scar you for life while you're just trying to shop for lipgloss or whatever.
Buuuut. There were times when we as foolish children thought it would be a great idea to seek those dicks out. It's like we had no idea that a lifetime of penises awaited us, whether we wanted them or not. Ah, the foolishness of juvenilia!
And what better place to seek them out than on Chat Roulette, a website literally designed for strangers to show each other their genitals! Fine, it was designed for strangers to "make friends" — which, as we all know, just means B A L L S A C K S A B O U N D.
So I asked now-adult girls for the most insane things that happened to them while as teens on Chat Roulette. I think some of you want to rip your eyes out after reading (ugh, a sadly topical statement!), but try to stay with me.
'I met Chris Brown'
One time I flipped off Drake on chatroulette and I still regret it.
— Drakeob (@gooodcatt) August 22, 2017
Prior to him morphing into the greatest scumbag to ever live, babe reader Jessie said she screamed when she ran into Chris Brown's dumbass on Chat Roulette. "My friend and I told him we were big fans of his music," she told. "But then he clicked next on us." In hindsight, that was probably for the best.
'I saw a man hanging from a ceiling'
I'm on chatroulette I'm scared for what comes next 😂😂
"We could see his whole body," babe reader Emily said. "There was a chair knocked over! It was the scariest thing I've ever seen."
'I saw a guy stick the end of an umbrella up his ass'
— HANNAH 😜 (@hannah_grebs) December 7, 2016
I can't imagine a world in which this would someone result in pleasure (???), but I dead-ass can't believe babe reader Sara could stomach it. "I was so grossed out and disturbed." She said. "I couldn’t skip fast enough."
'People were tripping out on acid'
havent slept yet. trippin on acid on chatroulette loool
— GG (@criznac) October 25, 2014
In one of my gal groups, I spoke to a girl who offered up her crazy experience with people on drugs. "They would tell us they were on acid." She said. "One guy in particular kept saying his carpet was growing, and would freak out every few minutes over it." I think she just sold me on trying acid. Stay tuned, kids.
'I saw a guy suck his own dick one time'
Bro Chatroulette was sucha shit experience for me. I prolly only ever came across one set of titties the X amount of time I was on that bit everything else was weird ass niggas with their meat all up in the camera smh
— J.C.S (@_Inmyblacktee) January 11, 2018
When I asked one girl, Cassie, how he even did it, she only shared that it was done "very skillfully." While we can't share the image (we don't want to scar you for life), let's just say he could definitely replace Simone Biles in gymnastics with that level of flexibility. "The guy jizzed all over his own face and it was extremely gross," she added. Oh yeah, and he managed to also fist himself simultaneously. Casual!
'Some guy wanted to be my slave'
I remember on Chatroulette one time some guy told me he'd be my slave so me and @luxor_m97 got him to make us a sandwich:
— Georgia Nicolson (@Georgia_N15) April 11, 2013
While I'd love to get my reparations, one girl, Kayla, passed up on hers. "He was on his knees saying I was a goddess and he'd do anything to please me and he would send me money," she said.
"I spoke to him for a bit but I felt like it was a scam. I should have spoken more to him because he looked like he had money. His bedroom was decked out with games and a nice ass couch, a huge TV and an aquarium." There are a lot of idiot men online willing to give their money away. Let this be a lesson to you all to channel your inner scammer.
'Some guy was sticking a screwdriver in his pee hole'
You didn't have a childhood if you and your 13 year old friends weren't attacked by a wild dick appearance on Chatroulette
— Ina (@arianalouboutin) March 13, 2018
I asked another girl, Julissa, if she'd asked him if he thought it was pleasurable. "Hell no!" she said. "I hit next reaaaaaaaal fucking quick." I can't say I wouldn't have done the same.
'I ran into my friend's dad'
One girl, Bri, had a run in with her girlfriend's father, but he didn't notice who she was at first. "I told him 'uh, it's me' and he immediately clicked next," She said. In all honesty, I wish he stayed longer. That would make a great story for the grandbabies.
'I walked into a Chat Roulette party—and everyone was jerking off'
oh dear. caught on chatroulette by some indian guy tryin to convert me to christianity. imma gonna make him atheist. #GAMEON!
— Lewis Rawlinson #30 (@Lewis_Rawlinson) January 13, 2012
A girl named Liz walked into a party one time and Chat Roulette was up on their giant TV. "There were different 'conversations' in several different boxes and everyone was jerking off," she said. "There were like 8 people sitting on the floor and couches watching the screen and participating. Weirdest fucking moment of my life." I'm curious to know what the party's invitation looked like. Maybe that would have prepped her a bit more.