Should you hook up with your dealer? We asked around for stories and, um, I think you guys need a backup plug
I’m a culprit and now the bud struggle is real
by Ari Bines
Whenever Friday comes around and there's still enough for an eighth in my bank account, I pick up from my handy dandy dealer. However, I recently committed the biggest sins in the pothead bible—banging my dealer. Despite homeboy practically begging for this premium pussy, he's decided not to answer my calls or texts now and I've been dry for over a month.
So I did the only rational thing I could and seek out my cannababes to see if they'd found themselves in a similar dilemma and how they rectified it to get back to cannabusiness. Brace yourselves, kids.
'I haven’t had sex with mine, but we do hook up'
Chelsea said she never went all the way with her plug, so she cheated the system by giving her dealer a small piece of her. "I only let him do that when I need some of 'that', and since we’ve been doing it, he’s been giving me more weed all the time for free." I don't know if this qualifies as prostitution, but who cares? Free weed? C'mon man.
'We both knew what we were doing had no strings attached'
One girl, Ariel, said every experience is different. "I hooked up with my one of my dealers before," she said. "We are still really good friends to this day. I think it’s different with everybody," Ariel added. I think she makes a really good point. My dealer (well, former) has me sent straight to voicemail.
'I have twice'
Nicole, one of my cannababes, shared how each time with her dealer differed. "The first time, neither of us wanted anything more than sex so it wasn't weird or awkward," she started. "I still got hooked up, I just got better deals after." And then it all went to shit.
"The second time we did it, he caught feelings and I didn't reciprocate. Shit got weird so I found a new plug." The work she must've had to put in to find a new guy was probably a bitch.
'I had three kids with my dealer'
Another cannababe said she never really knew anything about her dealer until they fucked. "I messaged him for bud on a Friday, and he told me to wait for a bit," she began. "Then he asked me what was up in the mean time." She told him she was looking to drink that night, and he ~just so happened~ to be throwing a party.
"When I left to go home the next morning he wouldn’t stop bugging me. He wanted to see me again and again and we've been together ever since!" Is this how I should be finding dates…? I'm currently sleeping with my dealer.
Stacy, another one of my Cannababes said her dealer was actually a close friend for a while. "He's been a homie for years and it's the best sex I've had." She said their relationship didn't even change. "I see him on the weekends and we still hang out and I pay for my shit and see him next time I need something. We talk throughout the week too." I can't say I'm not jealous. That's how all dealer sex should be…but with discounts.
'We both said no feelings'
Cannababe Katherine did what most adults should do when engaging in sexual encounters with a business associate: talk. "We talked about it. It's just a nut, he's still my plug today and I have a boyfriend." She got the best of both worlds and still got a boyfriend at the end of the tunnel. I can't even!
'I lost my connect that way'
One cannababe caught herself in the same situation that I did. "He caught feelings," she said. "I wasn’t ready for them." Damn. Are we like twins or what?
If you do decide to take the plunge with your weed guy, I recommend that you have several more lined up. You never know when a salty budman will start to catch feelings when you're only in search of a high.