I’ve invented the sneakiest, most foolproof way to stalk people on Insta without them ever knowing it’s you
You can even screenshot their stories! It’s so evil!
by Amanda Ross
I don't know if you're aware of this, but we're in the information age. And while I don't care about information on foreign oil dependency or black holes/scary celestial things or string theory or whatever, there is still a lot of information I craaaave.
I need information on what the men who aren't my men but are still my men are doing! Or what my first grade rival, Tatiana, is up to! I need information on people I love, but more importantly, I need information on the people I really fucking hate. But the only thing worse than craving the details of their lives so I can compare them to my own is admit it by following them on Instagram. They can't know I care!!
But there's a way to secretly creep on Instagram
Luckily for you, I'm an evil genius (Aries sun, Libra rising, come on) and figured out the sneakiest way to stalk these bitches. At first, you'd think to just make a catfish account, right? But really, how many hot, young, non-famous blonds are there to steal pics from? Plus, the only thing worse than getting busted by the person you want to creep would be getting this text:
But trust me: This fake account scheme doesn't require stealing someone's identity or more than 10 minutes of your time.
Step One: Set up the scam account
We're about to create a fake spambot account to spy on your enemies and Tinder matches. Crazy, right? I know, but you'll be happy you did it. So the first thing you need to do is make another account. You can use a fake email (doesn't even have to be confirmed!) around a fake premise. The easiest one is a "get free followers" account because virtually everyone has a few actual free followers spam bots following them already. This will blend seamlessly into the crowd.
Make a username and bio that's some combination of these words, with bonus points for making the English seem really jumbled: followers now instant for you free click here like back real 1800 bonus. Put up a stock image of an iPhone or the Insta logo, preferably one that lots of other accounts are using, along with a fake URL that leads to a 404 Error.
Here's mine, which I set up expressly for this tutorial:
But don't run to follow your crush just yet — we've got work to do.
Step Two: Make it seem like an authentic fake
It would be incredibly weird and so obvious to start following the people you want to creep right away. You have to make them one of hundreds the account followed seemingly randomly. You also need a few people to follow you. And how do we do that? Kim K, obvs!
Go to Kimmy's account (or Kylie, or whoever) and start following all the people who follow her. Just blindly click follow for about 3 minutes until you're following about 230-plus people. A bunch of them will follow you back immediately, too.
We're almost ready to start creeping! Just ooone more thing.
Step Three: Post some scam pics for credibility
Hop on over to Google Images and save 3-5 pics (must be an odd number!) of iPhones, Insta notifications, Androids, whatever. Upload them all right away with insane captions and a zillion nonsense hashtags and locations. Like this:
So your page will look something like this
Finally, you can go follow the people you want to creep on
I followed my real account to see what it would look like to spy on my own Insta stories:
And this is what the scam account looks like to people when you view their stories:
No would would ever suspect! Time to get creeping, y'all.